Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Just how realistic is the S&M in 50 Shades of Grey?

riding-crop.jpg
submissive.jpg
submissive-2.jpg

Are EL James’ books an accurate insight into the S&M world? We asked writer and sometime sexual submissive Nichi Hodgson for her insider view

I’m Nichi and I'm a 28-year-old journalist, card-carrying feminist, and occasional sexual submissive. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I’d enjoy having my hands tied behind my back or being held down while I had sex, I would have said they were mad.

I’ve visited a ‘red room’ (a for-hire dungeon) filled with sex toys, including straps, canes, crops and the violet wand – a Victorian contraption which pulses with a mild electrical current to give you a sensual shock. Personally, I prefer a partner to use their hands to chastise me and find looking up at someone I adore as I anticipate their slap across my cheek unbearably erotic.

Things do go wrong occasionally, as is alluded to in Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ve been bitten so hard I’ve bled and had some of my hair pulled out. There are far more sex toys than the book could ever have documented, though. I’ve used everything from nipple leads (clamps with a chain attached so you can be lead about by your ‘master’), studded paddles and even a hog-tie harness (which allows your wrists be tied to your ankles).

Submissives give up control to get a sexual high

The book’s heroine Anastasia Steele’s ineloquent interjections (“holy crap!”) and references to her “inner goddess” make me cringe, but I can easily identify with her unrequited love for domineering businessman Christian Grey, having recently found myself falling for an emotionally unavailable ‘Master’ too. Part of enjoying being a submissive is knowing when the fun is over so, like Anastasia, I ended the relationship.

The book’s broad appeal and success hinge on its clichéd sex scenes, which can easily be ‘coloured in’ to suit any given reader’s particular sexual fantasies. Like all the very best erotica, the book itself is a mere aphrodisiacal aid.

Overall Fifty Shades is a reasonably accurate depiction of the dominant/ submissive dynamic. however, I do have one big criticism of it. I find EL James’ rendering of Christian Grey as a victim of adolescent sexual abuse troubling. there are thousands of perfectly well-adjusted members of the BDSM community who simply enjoy kinky sex, with absolutely no underlying neurosis necessary. Submission is all about temporarily relinquishing control in exchange for a sexual high. that’s why so many socially empowered, sexually confident women enjoy it so much.

It’s high time the worlds of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission got the positive publicity they deserve. So here’s to Fifty Shades of Grey, and many more novels like it.

Do you think the book is a realistic portrayal of the S&M world? Let us know on Twitter and Facebook.

Picture credit: Rex Features

Related

fifty-shades-soundtrack.jpg

Fifty Shades of Grey: The Playlist

grey.jpg

Twenty things men are asking about Fifty Shades of Grey

Eyes-Wide-Shut.jpg

40 must-see erotic films and books

Comments

More

Judge orders sex offender to buy feminist literature for victim

Titles include The Diary of Anne Frank and works by Virginia Woolf by Harriet Hall

26 Sep 2016

Why India’s latest comic book heroine is a rape survivor

In Priya's Mirror, the resilient heroine teams up with acid attack survivors to defeat gender-based violence. by Moya Crockett

26 Sep 2016

Girl on the Train author on the moment that sparked her smash hit book

And it was all down to the commute... by Sarah Biddlecombe

22 Sep 2016

The cast for The Handmaid’s Tale is beyond incredible

Yet another talented star has been added to the Margaret Atwood adaptation... by Kayleigh Dray

22 Sep 2016

This bestselling author is offering her cottage as a free writing spot

"Are you a writer, and wish you had some peace in which to write?" by Sarah Biddlecombe

20 Sep 2016

You can now buy one of the most famous houses in children’s literature

Magical news for muggles everywhere by Kayleigh Dray

19 Sep 2016

Pooh’s forgotten friend finally makes it to the Hundred Acre Wood

Are you ready for a brand-new Winnie-the-Pooh book? by Kayleigh Dray

19 Sep 2016

Farewell poetry and readings to remember loved ones by

22 beautiful and meaningful pieces of poetry and prose to help you say goodbye by Kayleigh Dray

16 Sep 2016

Agatha Christie’s centenary celebrated with eerie noir postage stamps

And each contains a hidden clue… by Kayleigh Dray

15 Sep 2016

The cast for Agatha Christie’s Crooked House is beyond incredible

The stars of Mad Men and The Fall are gearing up for the Crooked House adaptation by Kayleigh Dray

14 Sep 2016