50 books that were banned
It's a truth universally acknowledged that books are good for the soul. But for some, too much knowledge is a…
More
The 50 best literary put-downs
The snarkiest jibes in literature
People like Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay have built careers on the back of their infamous tongue lashings. But humans have had the capacity to be snarky, mean and downright insulting to one another way before the dawn of reality TV. What's more, a lot of them have committed their insults to print. From Dostoevsky to Charles Dickens and Grace Dent to Shakespeare, we present some of the wittiest and cruelest jibes ever to have graced the realm of literature. Who knew books could be quite so rude?
Click on an image below to launch the gallery. Do you agree with our choices? Let us know your thoughts on Twitter or in the comments section below.
-
A Clockwork Orange
by Anthony Burgess "Well, well, well, well.… More details
Related Reading
A Clockwork Orange
by Anthony Burgess
"Well, well, well, well. If it isn't fat, stinking billygoat Billy-Boy in poison. How art thou, thy globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip-oil? Come and get one in the garbles, if you have any garbles, you eunuch jelly thou."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Importance of Being Ear…
by Oscar Wilde "The simplicity of your… More details
Related Reading
The Importance of Being Earnest
by Oscar Wilde
"The simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
How To Leave Twitter
by Grace Dent "I unfollowed @50cent because… More details
Related Reading
How To Leave Twitter
by Grace Dent
"I unfollowed @50cent because the poor man is almost entirely fixated on the daily happenings of his own penis."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Platform
by Michel Houellebecq "Rumour had it that he… More details
Related Reading
Platform
by Michel Houellebecq
"Rumour had it that he was homosexual; in reality, in recent years, he was simply a garden-variety alcoholic."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Who's Afraid of Virginia Wo…
by Edward Albee "Martha: Uh…you make me… More details
Related Reading
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
by Edward Albee
"Martha: Uh…you make me puke!"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
My Booky Wook
by Russell Brand "I couldn't possibly have… More details
Related Reading
My Booky Wook
by Russell Brand
"I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Collector
by John Fowles "He's not human; he's an… More details
Related Reading
The Collector
by John Fowles
"He's not human; he's an empty space disguised as a human"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
A Streetcar Named Desire
by Tennessee Williams "Blanche: I have been… More details
Related Reading
A Streetcar Named Desire
by Tennessee Williams
"Blanche: I have been foolish - casting my pearls before swine"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
After Claude
by Iris Owens "If looks could kill, you'd… More details
Related Reading
After Claude
by Iris Owens
"If looks could kill, you'd soon find out that yours couldn't."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
A Christmas Carol
by Charles Dickens "You may be an undigested… More details
Related Reading
A Christmas Carol
by Charles Dickens
"You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Mr Dooley's Philosophy
by Finley Peter Dunne "Most vegetarians I… More details
Related Reading
Mr Dooley's Philosophy
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Secret History
by Donna Tartt "As if happened, I knew… More details
Related Reading
The Secret History
by Donna Tartt
"As if happened, I knew Gartrell. He was a bad painter and a vicious gossip, with a vocabulary composed almost entirely of obscenities, guttural verbs, and the word 'postmodernist'."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Breakfast at Tiffany's
by Truman Capote "It should take you about… More details
Related Reading
Breakfast at Tiffany's
by Truman Capote
"It should take you about four seconds to walk from here to the door. I'll give you two."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Lord of the Flies
by William Golding "You're a beast and a… More details
Related Reading
Lord of the Flies
by William Golding
"You're a beast and a swine and a bloody, bloody thief!"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Gone With The Wind
by Margaret Mitchell "My dear, I don't give… More details
Related Reading
Gone With The Wind
by Margaret Mitchell
"My dear, I don't give a damn."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Bridget Jones's Diary
by Helen Fielding "That is such crap. How… More details
Related Reading
Bridget Jones's Diary
by Helen Fielding
"That is such crap. How dare you be so fraudulently flirtatious, cowardly and dysfunctional? I am not interested in emotional f***wittage. Goodbye."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Color Purple
by Alice Walker "He gave me a lynched daddy,… More details
Related Reading
The Color Purple
by Alice Walker
"He gave me a lynched daddy, a crazy mama, a lowdown dog of a step pa and a sister I probably won't ever see again. Anyhow, I say, the God I been praying and writing to is a man. And act just like all the other mens I know. Trifling, forgetful and lowdown."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Strangeland
by Tracey Emin "IM GOING TO GET YOU YOU C***… More details
Related Reading
Strangeland
by Tracey Emin
"IM GOING TO GET YOU YOU C*** YOU F***ING B*****D. And when I do - The whole world will Know That you destroyed Part of my childhood, TRACEY EMIN'
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen "She is tolerable; but not… More details
Related Reading
Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen
"She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
God Is Not Great
by Christopher Hitchens "The Bible may,… More details
Related Reading
God Is Not Great
by Christopher Hitchens
"The Bible may, indeed does, contain a warrant for trafficking in humans, for ethnic cleansing, for slavery, for bride-price, and for indiscriminate massacre, but we are not bound by any of it because it was put together by crude, uncultured human mammals."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
To Kill A Mockingbird
by Harper Lee "You're more like Atticus than… More details
Related Reading
To Kill A Mockingbird
by Harper Lee
"You're more like Atticus than your mother. You're also growing out of your pants a little."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Soul of Man Under Socia…
by Oscar Wilde "In centuries before ours the… More details
Related Reading
The Soul of Man Under Socialism
by Oscar Wilde
"In centuries before ours the public nailed the ears of journalists to the pump. That was quite hideous. In this century journalists have nailed their own ears to the keyhole. That is much worse."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
American Psycho
by Bret Easton Ellis "She placed the file on… More details
Related Reading
American Psycho
by Bret Easton Ellis
"She placed the file on top of the desk before asking, 'Doin' the crossword?' dropping the g in 'doing' - a pathetic gesture of intimacy, an irritating stab at forced friendliness."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Garrett
by Ezra Pound "Come, let us pity those who… More details
Related Reading
The Garrett
by Ezra Pound
"Come, let us pity those who are better off than we are/ Come, my friend, and remember that the rich have butlers and no friends/ And we have friends and no butlers."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Bossypants
by Tina Fey "You could put a blond wig on a… More details
Related Reading
Bossypants
by Tina Fey
"You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f*** it."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Being Jordan
by Katie Price "I did meet David Beckham,… More details
Related Reading
Being Jordan
by Katie Price
"I did meet David Beckham, though. He held my hand while Posh wasn't looking. She's really rough without makeup."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Twelfth Night
by William Shakespeare "Go shake your… More details
Related Reading
Twelfth Night
by William Shakespeare
"Go shake your ears"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Lion and the Unicorn
by George Orwell "He is simply a hole in the… More details
Related Reading
The Lion and the Unicorn
by George Orwell
"He is simply a hole in the air."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Fear of Flying
by Erica Jong "'You've got a nice looking… More details
Related Reading
Fear of Flying
by Erica Jong
"'You've got a nice looking husband' 'Maybe I ought to fix you up with him. After all, you're both analysts. You'd have a lot in common. You could b****r each other under a picture of Freud."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Constant Gardener
by John Le Carre "You're history, Donohue.… More details
Related Reading
The Constant Gardener
by John Le Carre
"You're history, Donohue. You think countries run the f***ing world! Go back to f***ing Sunday school."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Wide Sargasso Sea
by Jean Rhys "Vain, silly creature. Made for… More details
Related Reading
Wide Sargasso Sea
by Jean Rhys
"Vain, silly creature. Made for loving? Yes, but she'll have no lover, for I don't want her and she'll see no other."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
On Beauty
by Zadie Smith "Any woman who counts on her… More details
Related Reading
On Beauty
by Zadie Smith
"Any woman who counts on her face is a fool."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Great Expectations
by Charles Dickens "Mrs Joe was a very clean… More details
Related Reading
Great Expectations
by Charles Dickens
"Mrs Joe was a very clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
We Need To Talk About Kevin
by Lionel Shriver "Everything people do that… More details
Related Reading
We Need To Talk About Kevin
by Lionel Shriver
"Everything people do that doesn't work has to be somebody else's fault. Next time you know, geezers'll be suing the government for getting old and kids'll be taking their mommies to court because they come out ugly."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
This Be The Verse
by Phillip Larkin "They f*** you up, your… More details
Related Reading
This Be The Verse
by Phillip Larkin
"They f*** you up, your mum and dad"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Hannibal
by Thomas Harris "On a related subject,… More details
Related Reading
Hannibal
by Thomas Harris
"On a related subject, Signore Pazzi, I must confess to you: I'm giving serious thought to eating your wife."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Great Gatsby
by F. Scott Fitzgerald "She's not leaving… More details
Related Reading
The Great Gatsby
by F. Scott Fitzgerald
"She's not leaving me! Certainly not for a common swindler who'd have to steal the ring he put on her finger."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Picture of Dorian Gray
by Oscar Wilde "Without your art you are… More details
Related Reading
The Picture of Dorian Gray
by Oscar Wilde
"Without your art you are nothing. I would have made you famous, splendid, magnificent. The world would have worshipped you, an you would have borne my name. What are you now? A third-rate actress with a pretty face."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov "Don't cry. I'm sorry to… More details
Related Reading
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov
"Don't cry. I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Orlando
by Virginia Woolf "As long as she thinks of… More details
Related Reading
Orlando
by Virginia Woolf
"As long as she thinks of a man, nobody objects to a woman thinking."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Alice in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll "Your hair wants… More details
Related Reading
Alice in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll
"Your hair wants cutting"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Janet's Repentance
by George Eliot "A deistical prater, fit to… More details
Related Reading
Janet's Repentance
by George Eliot
"A deistical prater, fit to sit in the chimney-corner of a pot-house, and make blasphemous comments on the one greasy newspaper fingered by beer-swilling tinkers."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Romeo and Juliet
by William Shakespeare "Sampson: No sir, I… More details
Related Reading
Romeo and Juliet
by William Shakespeare
"Sampson: No sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Mythologies
by Roland Barthes "The mythology of Einstein… More details
Related Reading
Mythologies
by Roland Barthes
"The mythology of Einstein shows him as a genius so lacking in magic that one speaks about his thought as of a function analogous to the mechanical making of sausages, the grinding of corn or the crushing of ore."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Catcher in the Rye
by J.D. Salinger "All morons hate it when… More details
Related Reading
Catcher in the Rye
by J.D. Salinger
"All morons hate it when you call them a moron."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Rambler
by Samuel Johnson "Nothing has more retarded… More details
Related Reading
The Rambler
by Samuel Johnson
"Nothing has more retarded the advancement of learning than the disposition of vulgar minds to ridicule and vilify what they cannot comprehend."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Idiot
by Dostoyevsky "According to her opinion,… More details
Related Reading
The Idiot
by Dostoyevsky
"According to her opinion, the whole thing had been one huge, fantastical, absurd, unpardonable mistake. 'First of all, this prince is an idiot, and, secondly, he is a fool - knows nothing of the world, has no place in it. Whom can he be shown to? Where can you take him to? What will old Bielokonski say? We never thought of such a husband as THAT for our Aglaya!"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
The Help
by Kathryn Stockett "Hilly, darling. No… More details
Related Reading
The Help
by Kathryn Stockett
"Hilly, darling. No young husband wants to come home and see this. Look at your hair. And that … that is not attractive, dear."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
Of Mice and Men
by John Steinbeck "I could get you strung up… More details
Related Reading
Of Mice and Men
by John Steinbeck
"I could get you strung up in a tree so easy it ain't even funny."
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
-
King Lear
by William Shakespeare "Fool: Cry you mercy,… More details
Related Reading
King Lear
by William Shakespeare
"Fool: Cry you mercy, I took you for a join-stool"
Rate this…
Average rating 0 / 5
- Current rating 0 / 5
- 1 out of 5
- 2 out of 5
- 3 out of 5
- 4 out of 5
- 5 out of 5
Tags: books
Add a comment
Comments
Post your questions below. New questions will appear chronologically and there's no need to refresh the page.
There are currently no comments for this article.
The best 100 opening lines from books
There's nothing quite like a book that has you gripped from the very first line. As the first thing the reader…
More
The best 100 closing lines from books
Don't judge a book by its cover - instead, try and wait for the last line. Following our massively popular and…
More
Add a comment
Thanks for your Comment
It will appear here shortly, once it's been approved.
It will appear here shortly.
Close this messageThere was a problem with your form submission
Please check the following, then correct your form accordingly before submitting again: