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The Face: series 1, episode 4 recap

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Are you watching The Face? Are you? Because, if not, why not?

Quite simply this is the greatest TV show ever made. Breaking Bad – meh. That’s CBeebies compared to what is essentially The Naomi Campbell Terrifies The Bejeezus Out Of Everyone Show. And she does. Fellow mentors, her girls, the other teams, guest supermodels – no-one is safe from The Wrath. Which is why we’ll be recapping the show week by week – to watch La Campbell in full Technicolor action. With notebooks natch...

And episode four is Lingerie Week. The remaining 10 contestants are now in three competing teams (headed by Naomi and fellow supermodels Erin O’Connor and Caroline Winberg – who still has all four of her original choices and is proving herself to be this series’ dark horse – a really smiley dark horse).

The task

The contestants must vie for the chance to create a magazine ad for Rosie Huntington Whiteley’s Marks & Spencer range. In order to relax the teams, Naomi and Caroline head to the model home for some bonding dinners. (Ou est Erin? We can only conclude she’s en route to Milan to save a fainting catwalker with some jolly sensible advice.)

As Caroline greets her girls, the screen changes to a sepia-tinged advert for the Sisterhood. As Naomi arrives with the world’s chicest takeout, Racquel inadvisedly goes in for a hug only to veer away at the last crucial second repelled by Naomi’s froideur. Cut to Caroline and her girls drinking beer and giggling. Cut to Naomi and her girls drinking green soup (wheatgrass? Veal calf souls?) in near silence...

The next morning, the mentors’ individual approaches have paid unique dividends. Caroline’s four are sunshine in a bottle, Erin’s three are neglected and squabbling while Naomi’s Emma and Racquel, are single-handedly making bucketloads of that hate-fuelled goo from Ghostbusters 2 (the third, Chloe, has escaped her cell and is huddling for warmth next to Team Caroline).

At the studio for today’s shoot are Rosie H-W and one of the most powerful women in British fashion, Soozie Jenkinson, head of lingerie design for M&S. They will be judging which of the teams will land the advert. Rosie gives Naomi a slightly terrified look. Understandably.

Before the shoot, the mentors’ managerial modes once again come to the fore. Caroline explains the best poses; Erin tells Nina, owner of the world’s best body, that she is indeed owner of the world’s best body and Naomi shouts “God help you all” and “I’m going to put my head in the oven”.

Consequently Caroline’s team look naturally commercial while Erin’s team sadly fail to perform as Nina reacts the same way any of us would upon realising that a really big camera is taking pictures of you in your pants. Naomi’s team work the strong look by looking strongly into the camera.

And the winner is…

Caroline. For the third week running. I’ll be honest, in episode one I thought she was going to get ripped apart by Naomi and Erin. But she's proved to be both charming and utterly savvy when it comes to her mentoring. (Having said that I’ll be surprised if she’s allowed back for season two.)

So once again it's Erin vs Naomi. Erin announces she’s going to go for tough love and boots Nina into the hot seat. Poor Nina – graced with abs even Rosie H-W envies and still you end up in the eviction circle. And for a second week, Chloe and her “theatrical personality” faces Caroline. Nina argues she’s inexperienced but wants to learn; Chloe drops her teammates in it for arguing (ha!) and suggests life is a cricket pitch (huh?). Caroline shows her the door. The unsinkable Chloe then uses her exit interview to thank her mother. Bless.

Uh-oh...

Back in the main room, Caroline goes to have a quiet word with Naomi about her divided team. What she actually gets is Naomi at her most terrifying as she storms out of the room. Moments later she’s back. A departing Chloe has dobbed in the others and Naomi is on the warpath (suitably wearing what can only be described as Darth Vader’s fusion line - available from Dover Street Market). Pieces are ripped off Emma and Racquel as she accuses them of wasting her time. She then stalks into the night…

See you next week for more giggles with Naomi at 9pm on Mondays, Sky Living

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