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Best Peep Show lines

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Channel 4’s dysfunctional flat share comedy, which gets better with age, is back for its seventh series

Neurotic nerd Mark (David Mitchell) is a new father but stuck working as a waiter. Meanwhile, shallow Jeremy (Robert Webb) lands a cushy job on a music website – and a new girlfriend with strings attached. Get in the mood with ten of our favourite lines from the award-winning sitcom…

Mark: War is never a picnic. Although obviously soldiers do end up eating outdoors a lot.

Mark: (To Sophie) I love you, too. (In his head) It's OK, everyone says it. I say I love Häagen-Dazs and my broadband provider, and I like Sophie more than them. In most respects.

Jez: (Eating chicken wings while Toni looks on in disgust) What? It's eat as much as you can.

Toni: No, it's eat as much as you'd like. There's no competitive element involved.

Jez: At £3.99, I think I know who's winning.

Mark: (in the supermarket) Life is all pain. Pain, rejection and gloom. Why do we even pretend that there's anything other than a yawning blankness at the heart of... Hey, 33% extra free! I'm doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind is making me even more frugal than normal.

Super Hans: You should just get a van. With a van, it's like you've got an MBA, but you've also got a fucking van. You're not just a man anymore - you are a man with a van. Jez, we could be men with ven.

Mark: (out running in the park) I'm brilliant, I'm a jogger. I'm running! I knew there had to be a sport for me... Oh, God, is that a stitch? I'm literally going to die, What an idiotic boob I was about 10 or 11 seconds ago.

Mark: (Grabbing toast at a hotel breakfast buffet) Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown is savoury, white's the treat.

Mark: (after Jez gets an inheritance from his aunt) £20,000 won't last that long, Jeremy.

Jez: But £20,000! I'll be a millionaire!

Mark: Nothing means anything to you, does it Jez? Friendship, loyalty - they're just fusty old words like sixpence and codpiece to you, aren't they?

Sophie: Have I lived enough? I mean, I've only slept with four men. Is that enough?

Jez: Four? Oh yeah. (Thinks) Jesus, I've had sex with more men than that and I basically only sleep with women.

Peep Show, Channel 4, Fridays at 10pm

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