Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Goldie Hawn reveals surprise secret to her and Kurt Russell’s long-lasting relationship

goldie hawn.jpg

Goldie Hawn has been with Kurt Russell for 34 years – and now, in a candid interview, she has revealed the secret to their long-lasting relationship.

No, it’s not about seeking perfection, or a state of loved-up bliss: all couples have their rough patches, everybody disagrees sometimes, and fighting is inevitable. Hawn is incredibly firm about that.

Instead, the 71-year-old says that couples need to acknowledge the need to argue – and make sure that they conduct their disagreements in a good and healthy way.

“You have to learn how to work your way through an argument and be skilful about it and resolve it,” she told The Mirror.

“Things happen during a marriage or a union, things that are said that shouldn’t have been said, or things that are done that shouldn’t have been done, or you feel neglected.”

Read more: The compulsive Instagram habit that spells bad news for your relationship

Hawn added: “If two people really want to be together there's something to cherish, so you keep it fresh by surprising each other. Go to a hotel room, go take a hike. Make something happen that's unusual.”

So how does one argue in the correct way?

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 1987

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 1987

Well, John Gottman, a professor of psychology who specialises in martial stability, has revealed that we need to avoid “the four horsemen of the apocalypse” when fighting with our partners.

These are:

  • Criticism (framing complaints in the context of a defect in your partner)
  • Contempt (name calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humour)
  • Defensiveness (making excuses to explain away your actions)
  • Stonewalling (withdrawing from a conversation, even if physically present)

Gottman also encourages couples to stop using the word “you” in arguments, and choosing instead to use the word “I” – and to work on their marriage each and every single day, rather than just when it is in trouble.

“Reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went,” he says. This will help to bleed off stress from the day, and stop it from negatively affecting your relationship.

“I mean, come on. We're human beings.”

“I mean, come on. We're human beings.”

Hawn – who says she prefers to remain as Russell’s girlfriend rather than become his wife (“we have independence, but two pillars hold up the house”) – also suggests that couples should accept the fact that they are going to find other people attractive during their relationship.

Instead of burying those feelings, Hawn suggests that couples take a leaf out of her and 66-year-old Russell’s book: open up, be honest, and recognise fleeting crushes as just that.

Read more: The bad relationship habits that kill romance

Hawn explained: “I'm sure I've been party to it, and Kurt's been - we're all normal this way. It's like, ‘You really liked that guy, didn't you?’ Or the woman says, ‘You were looking at her.’ My answer would be, ‘Of course. Why not? She's beautiful.’

“Would you want a man who doesn't look? Who doesn't feel inspired by the beauty or the curves of a woman's body? Or the way she is?”

The Snatched star added: “I mean, come on. We're human beings.”

Images: Rex Features



The best (and worst) love advice from teen magazines


Why “never go to bed angry” isn’t just an old wives’ tale


The two words that are key to a happy relationship


20 soothing, beautiful songs guaranteed to help you fall asleep

An expert picks the ultimate classical music playlist

by Sarah Biddlecombe
20 Oct 2017

Puppy dog eyes are a thing and your dog makes them just for you

A study says dogs change their facial expressions when humans are looking

by Amy Swales
20 Oct 2017

Here’s how to buy a house or a flat for the princely sum of £1

It's time to enter the real-estate raffle

by Megan Murray
20 Oct 2017

Oxford University under fire for shocking lack of racial diversity

One MP called the revelations an example of “social apartheid”

by Moya Crockett
20 Oct 2017

This prosecco festival is the best way to start feeling Christmassy

Bubbles, bubbles everywhere

by Susan Devaney
20 Oct 2017

Missing your 16-25 railcard? We have good news for you

Rail bosses have taken pity on cash-strapped millennials

20 Oct 2017

This man’s response to his friend’s period while hiking is everything

“I had NOTHING on me and I was wearing shorts”

by Susan Devaney
20 Oct 2017

Why anxiety makes it harder to follow your intuition

It can have a paralysing effect on decision-making

by Anna Brech
19 Oct 2017

“Why all men must work to stamp out sexual harassment and abuse”

In wake of the Weinstein allegations, one writer argues why men need to be counted

19 Oct 2017

Rage, lust, power and warmth: how it feels to experience ‘red emotions

“I grew up being told my body was terrifying and my voice was unimportant”

by The Stylist web team
19 Oct 2017