It almost goes without saying that, in 2017, we are pretty much on our mobile phones all the time. We use them to check our Facebook updates, scroll through Twitter, perfect our Instagram photos, WhatsApp our BFFs, mull over work emails and, occasionally, place the odd phone call.
Indeed, the average person spends a whopping 84 hours on their smartphone every single month, according to comScore’s 2017 Cross Platform Future in Focus report. So you can imagine this woman’s absolute despair when she dropped her beloved digital companion onto her downstair neighbour’s balcony.
Liz Bertorelli does not explain to the world how she dropped her phone over an actual balcony – that, we assume, is best left to our imaginations.
But that doesn’t mean she stays silent on the subject, either: in fact, she turns the entire experience into an absolutely compelling social media drama with impossibly frequent Twitter updates (via a tablet, of course).
And every tweet perfectly encapsulates her feelings of helplessness as she watches her iPhone live its life without her (the unchecked notifications are ludicrous).
Bertorelli eventually overcomes her sorrow in a bid to forge a series of daring plans – each intended to reunite her with her beloved. The first – a note dropped for her neighbour to find – quickly goes awry when the wind picks up.
The second (a slightly more logical knock on her neighbour’s door) is also fruitless, as it turns out that the folks downstairs have only gone on holiday. And won’t be back for, ooh, about two weeks?
And then things started getting slightly more desperate:
Should I send my drone down? Y OR N? pic.twitter.com/gc8Awvz6Lc— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
All out of luck, Bertorelli finally decides to give up on her phone for a short while and go about her day-to-day life without it. But, when she finally turns up at work, she’s quickly left feeling bereft when she finds herself surrounded by happy iPhone users:
Update: At work without my iPhone, seeing everyone else with their iPhones. Feeling lost and alone 💔📱— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
Coworker: "Also the F is this new @Apple update?"— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
Me: "I WOULDN'T KNOW!" *inserts link to this thread*
Then, of course, she spots a weather update: rain is on the way. Torrential, potentially iPhone-destroying rain.
Update: It's going to storm and my iPhone is still trapped on a third floor balcony. May the odds be ever in your favour, sweet prince ⛈📱 pic.twitter.com/MDSTIzbJb2— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
☔️ GREAT, IT STARTED RAINING YA'LL ☔️— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
Actual footage of me trying to save my iPhone: pic.twitter.com/IZGD4x3KwP
Update: Just got home, iPhone got rained on and even my dog is fucked up about all of this. She has a damn Instagram account to run 📸🐶 pic.twitter.com/gL0moCFRls— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
Yet, somehow, the iPhone survives its impromptu shower:
Update: My sweet prince is ALIVE even after 19hours alone. Look at those notifications 😇📱 pic.twitter.com/vOVGPSPDFt— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
And, the next time the rain clouds gathered overhead, Bertorelli knows exactly what to do to protect it from the merciless elements:
Update: Neighbours still aren't home. IT IS POURING. Deploying bag on string to shield from water damage 💦 pic.twitter.com/PL86kzNjwu— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 4, 2017
You’ll no doubt be ecstatic to hear that this story of a modern-day Juliet and her Romeo has a far happier ending than Shakespeare’s original.
Employing all of her skills and, y’know, surrounding tools, the increasingly desperate Bertorelli summoned a friend to help her create “a new rescue device”.
Crafted from a remote-controlled drone, some gaffer tape and a few other bits ‘n’ bobs, it wasn’t long before the creation was floating off over the balcony on its very important mission – and, naturally, the whole thing was filmed for Twitter’s benefit, too.
UPDATE: OMFG WE GOT IT!!!!!!! WE GOT IT!!! 😍😍😍📱📱📱😍😍😍😍 pic.twitter.com/5nc7R27Wh2— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 6, 2017
And, while the iPhone was “water damaged and cracked”…
Update: You may be water damaged and cracked but we are reunited and it feels so good 😇📱 pic.twitter.com/YvtpC5qgvz— Liz Bertorelli (@liznlbee) October 6, 2017
It did, against all the odds, actually turn on:
We guess that should put paid to any rumours the Nokia 3210 of old is far hardier than the “snowflake” smartphones of today: who’d ever have suspected that an iPhone could survive on its own for so long, eh?
We love a happy ending.