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These millennials just aren't here for your generation-shaming

millennial comebacks.jpg

Ah, millennials.

If you believe everything you read online, you’ll already know that we strange creatures are impossibly sensitive, self-entitled, utterly narcissistic snowflakes. We fritter away every last penny of our woeful wages on avocado toast, flat whites and hot yoga classes. We’re too busy snapping selfies to do anything useful – like, say, get on the property ladder, improve our hideously lacklustre sex lives or buy a jar of marmalade.

Worse still, we’ve killed basically everything that is good and right in the world (think the wine cork, the cappuccino and the McDonald’s McWrap). We trawl social media for memes on a daily – nay, hourly – basis. We laud celebrities for shutting down sexist questions on the red carpet. And, instead of mindlessly following the crowds like everyone else, we insist on mewling and crying over silly first-world issues – like, say, the fact that the USA’s pussy-grabbing president has waged war on our reproductive organs.

Read more: These shocking 21st-century adverts are a grim reminder that sexism is alive and well

Our most damning crime of all, though? We have no sense of humour whatsoever: sexist banter earns nary a smile from us, racist and xenophobic jokes fall completely flat, and all those hilariously transphobic and homophobic witticisms? We don’t even titter. We just can’t take a joke these days.

Except, as these sparklingly salty comebacks prove once and for all, millennials are actually really funny. Like, really f**king funny.

Check it out.

1) On our narcissism:


Tell us again that our selfies are obsessive. We dare you.

2) On our ridiculous spending habits:


Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, baby boomers. Just not near us, thanks.

3) On our contribution to the downfall of society:



4) On our career aspirations:


Please, please just pay us in money. We need it to buy more avocado and coffee.

5) On our poor sense of humour:



6) On our sensitivity:


Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

7) On our obsession with public healthcare:


This one goes out to Trump and all his supporters.

8) On our sense of entitlement:


F**k you, Janet.

9) On our ability to ruin everything:


We suck, we get it.

10) On our fascination with Tinder:


At least it helps us to retain our humanity, eh?

Read more: Why millennials should be happy, according to baby boomers

11) On our untapped powers:


That… that’s actually a great idea. Millennials, assemble!

12) On our obsession with everyday sustenance:


Is there anyone out there who can honestly say that they’re not obsessed with food? We thought not.

13) On the mystery that surrounds us:


We’re just so very, very enigmatic, aren’t we?

14) On our political beliefs:


We just want the world to be a better place, everyone.

15) On the media’s attempts to understand us:


Come the f**k on, Time.

16) On our inability to buy property:


Exactly this.

17) And on that note:


Why bother, eh?

18) On our need to constantly be rewarded:


Double standards, much?

19) On our enduring love for our teddy-bears:


Plus we need someone to share a bed with, considering our generation has apparently never had sex.

20) On our obsession with cleanliness:


Hey, at least we have pearly whites, eh?

Read more: 10 of the world’s most amazing places you’ve never heard of

21) On our fondness for brunch:


Obviously this is it, yes.

22) On our hatred of diamonds:


Yup, we’re killing the diamond industry too. Who knew?

23) On Brexit, Donald Trump, and the like:


Thanks, Baby Boomers. You’re amazing.

24) On Pokemon Go:


Pikachu, we choose you over global despair, any day of the week.

25) On Baby Boomers and their hatred of our generation:


So many dollars.

26) On our infinite patience:


Seriously, guys, stop being so entitled.

27) On our dream TV show:

Via Reddit

Via Reddit

We… we genuinely want to watch Switching Cribs. Can someone make this a thing, please?

28) On our fashion tastes:



30) On our vastly superior tech skills:


Mum, if you’re reading this, I’ll help you figure out your emails IN A MINUTE, OK?

Read more: The funniest, best, and saltiest feminist comebacks to ever grace the internet

31) On why we are the way we are:


This is legit.

32) On our aspirations in life:


At least they’re achievable.

33) On what a millennial truly is:



34) On our unnatural fascination with libraries:


Won’t somebody please think of the children?

35) On every last thing we’ve killed:


The arts and crafts industry is immune from our murderous rampage, if anyone’s wondering.

36) On the blame game:


We bet this rings truer than most people would like to admit, to be honest.

Images: Rex Features



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