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What women want: new survey reveals the factors that enhance and ruin our sex lives

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What is the most important ingredient for good sex?

A sense of excitement? Someone you just cannot take your hands off? A forbidden lover?

According to a survey carried out by fertility app Kindara, women chart an emotional connection as the most important thing for good sex.

The survey, aimed at discovering if stereotypes about women and sex were true, asked 500 women about their sexual experiences.

Kindara references stereotypes such as: "women are not that interested in sex" and "women have few orgasms” that they believe are based on “outdated gender roles”.

Whilst the survey revealed that some stereotypes held out, others were entirely contradicted by the findings. 

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Stereotypes debunked

Instead of the age old myth that women aren’t as interested in sex as men, the survey found that most women felt they weren’t getting enough action between the sheets. Nearly three quarters said that they would prefer to be having sex more than three times a week, and 13% said they’d like to be getting down and dirty more than six times a week. This fits in with the findings of the Stylist Sex Survey 2014, which revealed 60% of women wanted more sex. 

Contradicting the view that most women struggle to climax during sex, the survey found that 73% of women were achieving orgasm at least once – or even multiple times during a sexual encounter, and that for many “orgasm isn’t the primary goal of sexual activity.”

Kindara referenced another survey from 1994 which revealed that 75% men and only 29% women were having orgasams with their partners and say:

“Our findings show that in the twenty years since that study was conducted, more women are achieving orgasm during each sexual encounter. This positive change could indicate more equality in giving and receiving pleasure beneath the sheets.” (This also fits with the Stylist Sex Survey findings, which revealed that 57% of women had experienced multiple orgasms.)

Unexpectedly, less than a quarter of women felt foreplay was an essential part of sex.

sex graph

Stereotypes confirmed

Confirming popular opinion, the survey revealed that 53% of respondents reported that an emotional connection was the most important aspect of sex– considered more important than foreplay. The survey states that:

“Women’s most satisfying sexual experiences involve being connected to someone, not simply achieving orgasm.”

In line with this, the survey revealed that a whopping 82% of women found external factors that had a negative effect on their sex life. The most common of these was stress. Almost 40% of women cited stress as the having the biggest negative effect on their desire to engage in sexual activities, with feeling ‘out of sync’ with their partner coming a close second.

Twenty percent of women reported a negative body image was having a detrimental effect on their sex lives. 


If you are interested in women's sexuality, we will be speaking to feminist writer Caitlin Moran about the issue at Stylist Live, at 18.00 on Thursday 15th October. 

Get your tickets here

Stylist Live is a four-day festival of cocktails, culture, catwalks and conversation hosted by Edith Bowman and Dawn O’Porter on Thursday 15 – Sunday 18 October 2015.

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