Every single millennial remembers Sylvanian Families, don’t they? They were the tiny felt animals everyone was obsessed with back in the Nineties, not least of all because they were boxed up in sets of perfect little nuclear units: a mummy, a daddy and at least one small child (more often, though, there’d be two).
If you owned them, we imagine that you spent many a happy hour dressing them up in their teeny-weeny clothes, making them chat in funny, gruff little voices and staging tiny dramas for them to uncover on their sleek and shiny (and incredibly small) canal boat.
If you, like this unhappy writer, didn’t have a single felt critter to your name, you spent a lot of time wondering what it was really like to be a Sylvanian Families kinda gal. You’d make friends with the sort of kids you hoped might have a stash of them in their bedroom, so you could have at them whenever you went to play around their house.
Nowadays, of course, things are different. The wee families have been carefully stashed away in wardrobes, attics and basements, their individual personalities and back-stories all but forgotten. The canal boat has been flogged at a jumble sale (which is a shame, as it’s now worth a fortune on eBay). And the envy has (almost) completely faded away.
What hasn’t faded away, though, is that strange fascination we will forever have with them. Which is why we’re beyond obsessed with foul-mouthed Sylvanian Families parody account, @forest_fr1ends, on Twitter.
well it may not be an emergency to you sergeant, but these little pricks don't go back for 3 more weeks and i'm completely out of alcohol... pic.twitter.com/j3lFBv8yCD— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) August 12, 2017
i'm afraid there's no cure for being a little dickhead... pic.twitter.com/Q5WSr37T08— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) March 1, 2017
i know shit when i see it billy... pic.twitter.com/bFvLhoSlqC— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) August 13, 2017
do that trick where you make mummy's social life disappear by just f**king existing... pic.twitter.com/qOuPHorqdR— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) July 7, 2017
The always-winning formula is the juxtaposition of Sylvanian Families toys’ sweet faces and twee outfits with seriously adult captions, making for some pretty hilarious posts.
Few more, for fun?
he's back trevor, call the police... pic.twitter.com/m7Rhy8zn8U— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) June 4, 2017
you're 43 years old brian, when are you gonna stop playing with these little kids toys and go make some real f**king friends...? pic.twitter.com/qPbfZmWggD— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) July 20, 2017
i got you these to show you how i feel about you.— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) April 21, 2017
- but i'm allergic to flowers.
- i know... pic.twitter.com/jI6iyMR3VP
spread out guys we're looking for any clues, teeth, hair... pic.twitter.com/NPAxHYrB2N— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) April 26, 2017
- may i recommend the frog le─— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) April 21, 2017
- finish that f**king sentence, i dare you... pic.twitter.com/0SaPuLaiMr
- i'm sorry i snore, but it's not my fault.— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) July 16, 2017
- well i'm sorry i punched you in the dick, but it's not my fault... pic.twitter.com/wXnAK3odsU
- to celebrate the resurrection, a special rabbit hides chocolate eggs for the little children.— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) April 8, 2017
- have you been sniffing glue...? pic.twitter.com/IzhIwxou5G
jog on, dickhead... pic.twitter.com/OC4jkhl5w6— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) February 1, 2017
tell me the shortbread is too buttery just one more time harriet, i f**king dare you... pic.twitter.com/ovWqYMsz3I— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) January 18, 2017
- someone's been sitting on my chair.— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) January 13, 2017
- someone's been sleeping in my bed.
- someone's taken a shit in the sink... pic.twitter.com/1QtUHjzBd0
- how did you and daddy make me?— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) January 9, 2017
- a special recipe of regret, alcohol, with a dash of disappointment... pic.twitter.com/8VcOqd4XWT
And for good measure, here’s one incredibly timely pop culture reference:
Erm, we’re basically obsessed. Consider us friends of @forest_fr1ends henceforth.