Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Is Facebook killing your relationship? Why unfriending your partner might be good for romance

couple texting love social media.jpg

According to a psychotherapist, the key to long lasting happiness in a relationship is to unfriend your partner on Facebook – he tried it himself.

Ian Kerner, a psychotherapist from New York who specialises in couples counselling, says the way social media encourages us to overshare is spoiling the mystery of romance.

“There’s something about being in a relationship where you want some unknowingness and some unpredictability,” he explains in an interview with pri.org.

The therapist says that the couples on his couch are increasingly dealing with problems sparked by social media, and are often suffering from a lost connection that comes from being plugged into devices 24/7.

He believes that following your partner on sites like Facebook, where users continually share updates about what they had for lunch for example, is adding to that problem.

Couple on their phones with no romance - social media

Describing the way social media began to interfere with his own marriage, Kerner, who has since come off Facebook entirely, says: “I realised for a little while with my own wife that I didn’t really want her to be my friend on Facebook.”

“I didn’t want all of that extra information. If anything I wanted less information — I wanted more mystery and more unpredictability.”

“I didn’t want to know that she was posting about being tired or having her third coffee for the day. So I specifically unfriended her during my brief tenure on Facebook.”

“It’s something that I do recommend to couples.”

Along with unfriending each other, Kerner also advises that couples make a concerted effort to switch off their devices when spending quality time together.

“When you add up all of the periods of distraction that devices give us, you might have a lot of time that you could put towards your relationship.”

“We live in a culture where sex ruts are epidemic and people go to bed too tired to make love — they have no time for each other. And yet they’re spending hours a day on social media, on blogs and on Netflix.

“Maybe we really need to figure out how to turn off that faucet.”

 

Related

5988-062080-rt.jpg

This new classical album could cure your insomnia

ThinkstockPhotos-485784748.jpg

The unexpected rise of the divorce selfie

10527892_10152346802254576_4823197763058950535_n.jpg

If 'Friends' characters were on Facebook

11863298_371772623019674_3951473367637232711_n.jpg

Facebook page reveals what makes us happiest with daily illustrations

12_ama-portrait-photo-by-daan.jpg

Real life mermaid: inside the world of a female freediver

vesper.jpg

“I ditched my draining city existence for a lifelong holiday in Italy”

ThinkstockPhotos-514755607.jpg

The common trait all happy couples share

rexfeatures_4102835q.jpg

Cumberbatch is right: stop filming and be present in the moment

social.jpg

How scaling back my digital world gave me the space to live more fully

More

Sandi Toksvig’s shock Bake Off confession completely rocks our world

Can we get a “THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING”, please?

by Kayleigh Dray
21 Sep 2017

Gossip Girl was supposed to have an entirely different ending

Good morning, Upper East siders…

by Susan Devaney
21 Sep 2017

How to use Instagram to boost your career (and land your dream job)

It’s time to make your Instagram account work as hard as you do…

by Kayleigh Dray
21 Sep 2017

Students disciplined for making rape joke during a charity fundraiser

The four teens spelled the word ‘rape’ with body paint

by Amy Swales
21 Sep 2017

Colin the Caterpillar has been given a cute Christmas makeover

We only just got over Halloween Colin – now Santa Colin is in town

by Kayleigh Dray
21 Sep 2017

Sabrina the Teenage Witch is conjuring up a seriously dark TV reboot

But who will play everyone’s favourite half-witch?

by Kayleigh Dray
21 Sep 2017

Elisabeth Moss isn’t done with powerful dramas about women’s rights

Call Jane is set to be as relevant for Trump's America as its 60s setting

by Amy Swales
20 Sep 2017

Why we all think we’re the least popular one in our group of friends

If you believe everyone’s hanging out without you, you’re not alone

by Moya Crockett
20 Sep 2017

Why that Doctor Foster conversation is so incredibly important

So many people missed the point of this big reveal…

by Kayleigh Dray
20 Sep 2017

What is panic disorder – and do you suffer from it?

Nadiya Hussain described it as a 'monster'

by Megan Murray
20 Sep 2017