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Orlando Bloom breaks his silence on those naked paddleboarding photos

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What do you think it’s like, being Orlando Bloom? It must be quite a nice life; earning squillions of dollars before your 30th birthday does, after all, rather free you up to live as you please. We’ve always imagined that he spends most of his time doing (commendable) charity work, hanging out with his very cute son and/or Katy Perry, or jetting off on holiday.

As we said, a nice life, if you can get it. But our assessment of Bloom’s activities has been mostly based on idle speculation – because unlike many of his compatriots in Hollywood, he’s always kept his Instagram account private. 

Until now. Canterbury’s most famous son has just made his Instagram public, and it’s a veritable feast of delights to be picked through at your leisure. Here’s Orlando Bloom on the front line in UkraineHere’s Orlando Bloom hugging an elephantHere’s Orlando Bloom doing a yoga pose on a beach, seemingly without a shred of irony!

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"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't KNOW there were paparazzi on the beach." "Yeah yeah, sure, buddy."

Best of all, though, is a video posted two weeks ago, about a month after Bloom well and truly broke the internet with those naked photos. You know the ones we mean: Bloom, rowing Katy Perry along on a paddleboard in the Mediterranean Sea, naked as the day he was born (except for a hat). 

If you somehow still haven't seen said photos, you can do so here – if you dare.

A video posted by @orlandobloom on

In the Instagram video, Bloom is seen running in slow-motion down a jetty – this time, clad in respectable Baywatch-style swimming trunks – to the strains of the Rocky theme tune. The caption? “When you are chasing down the guy who stole your swimming trunks.” Aw. He’s memed himself.

Bloom’s most recent Instagram post, uploaded just after he flung open his social media doors to the public, is a sheet of paper scrawled with the words “I CAVED”.

Underneath, his ex-wife Miranda Kerr has commented: “Nice one!”

Nice one, Orlando. Nice one indeed.

Image: Rex Features

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