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How to get people to do what you want without being a b*tch


Much like Frank and Claire Underwood in House of Cards, there are times when you'd like people to just do what you want them to do.

However, unlike the Underwoods, you're probably not able (we hope) to betray your friends, stab your colleagues or even commit murder so things will go your way.

So, how do you get people to act exactly how you want them to, without resorting to extreme measures? We spoke to expert Susan Weinschenk, Ph.D, author of How To Get People To Do Stuff on just that and her top tips on getting your friends, family and colleagues to do anything for you.

And if you feel a violent murderous tendency, we suggest you head back over here and read it again (and again).

1.Peers influence

"People are most influenced by their peers so will do what other people are doing, especially when they are uncertain. For example, when you want your friend to sign up for a yoga class with you, maybe try telling her something like: "I hear that over 75% of women under 30 have tried yoga."

Essentially, if someone influential is doing something and you want your friend to do the same, tell them that this influential person is doing it too. In this case, a celebrity (liked by your friend) would work too."

2. Give a justification

"You are more likely to say "yes" to a request if you use the word "because", even if there isn't a good reason. Just the word "because" makes them more likely to say yes. So, instead of "Would you set up next month's meeting for me?" try "Would you set up next month's meeting for me because I have the summer event plans to work on."

3. Make them feel they're part of a special group

"There's a deep need to feel like we belong to a group, so people will do a lot to become part of a special group or stay part of the group. Saying something like "I think we should have the wedding shower at the restaurant I suggested. Our group always meets there, and I'm sure you'd like to join us, right?", would work.

4. Stimulate the desire for mastery

"Everyone wants to feel that they are learning new skills and gaining new knowledge. You can stimulate this desire and get people to do something if you give them a) autonomy (control) over how they do it, b) feedback without praise on how they are doing, and c) make the task a little challenging but not too challenging. Maybe ask your friend to make travel arrangements for an upcoming group trip. Let her decide how to go about researching the travel, let her know as she goes along whether she is getting the job done as expected, and only give it the task to someone who you think can accomplish it but will enjoy the challenge of it."

5. Change someone's self-story

"A self-stories is story we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do. We all have them. And it makes us uncomfortable to behave in ways that go against those self-stories. If you can get someone to take a small action that goes against a self-story they have, then they are more likely to actually change their self-story to match the action. If you want your boyfriend to get more exercise, but he doesn't think he's the sporty kind: "Do you think you could ride your bike with me to the shop? I really want to go on my bike, but I'm not comfortable going by myself?", subconsciously he will then start to think of himself as someone who rides a bike, which could then grow into someone who exercises."

House of Cards Season 2 is out now on Blu-ray & DVD



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