Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Lucy Mangan “We need a new definition of having it all”

rexfeatures_1044713f.jpg

God knows, I’m knackered. I’ve never known fatigue or stress like that involved in looking after a young child. My son is now two and it’s supposed to start getting easier now.

I certainly hope so. But you know what? That’s just two years. And two years of doing a thing I chose to do and went into with my eyes open about what it involves. I am still nowhere near the chronic levels of tiredness and stress I see in my friends.

Anyone with a ‘proper’ (ie non-freelance-journalist-workingfrom- home-in-her-pyjamas-andmanaging- a-shower-every-other-day) job is grey with one and jittery with the other by the middle of the week. And two days of weekend – even if they weren’t intruded upon by emails and text messages from bosses unfamiliar with the concept of days of rest – are no longer enough to restore them to health and vigour.

They are, in the terms we all understood it to mean when we (yes, even me back in the day) first started our proper jobs, succeeding. They have money and power within their chosen fields. But at what cost? Living to work instead of working to live is a bizarre state of affairs, when you stop and pull back long enough to consider it properly.

Which is why Arianna Huffington, the 62-year-old creator of news website The Huffington Post held a conference to launch a global discussion about our need to redefine success. As a woman who has succeeded so plentifully on almost any terms you care to name, she is now free to consider these things more philosophically and has stated that we should measure our true success in life in terms of, ‘wellbeing, wisdom and our desire and ability to give back’.

We need to find, as she puts it ‘a third metric’, in addition to the traditional corporate markers of achievement – money and power – that will allow all of us to ‘succeed’ in a more humane and sustainable way. In specifically female terms, I’d suggest we need a new definition of ‘having it all’ which doesn’t involve believing in the mathematical impossibility that you can fit a full measure of professional achievement, a full measure of personal achievement and a full measure of flawless caring for children/husband/ageing parents/all three into one little life.

Why do we work towards goals that won’t make us happy?

Euclid said it first – the greater into the less won’t go, and he was talking about the neat and ordered world of numbers. Imagine him faced with the sprawling demands of a modern human life. Something does indeed need to change. It’s time we all asked ourselves why are we living in an impossible struggle towards goals that won’t necessarily make us happy and who is benefitting from it?

The first answer is simply inertia. This is how the modern system was first set up and so we have continued with it, until the creaks and groans of machinery buckling under the increasing weight it is bearing have become too deafening to ignore. And who stands to gain from this (it surely isn’t the workers)? The elite, those in government and at the head of big business and banks, who legislate (overtly – or covertly, by means of personal nudges, donations and back room deals) to maintain the status quo.

You busting your hump day after day, sacrificing your personal wants, needs and quality of life to fill their pockets via tax revenues or profits is only good news for them. There is no reason on earth for them to care about you as a person, fulfilled or otherwise. Perhaps if something would attack them right in the profit glands, where it most hurts, things would change.

But it would be a big and doubtless expensive undertaking and I wouldn’t bet on it. There needs to be a revolution in individual thinking. We need, en masse, to start believing that we are worth more than we receive and, owe our employers nothing more than a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay.

We need a definition of success that privileges activities that feed our souls as well as our employers’ coffers. Of course the recession – that governments and employers of various stripes essentially caused – makes it a bad time to call for any kind of gentler, more rounded and fulfilling existence. But let’s at least start the discussion. Then, perhaps, when there is enough work to go round, we can start to have some life outside it too.”

(Image: Rex Features)

Related

MenDiets2_rexfeatures_955349a.jpg

Lucy Mangan: "Men just can't handle a diet"

Lucy Mangan HERO.jpg

Lucy Mangan “We should all live happily ever after”

end_of_the_world_rexfeatures_21572b.jpg

Lucy Mangan: “It’s the end of the world as we know it”

Comments

More

Lucy Mangan on the art of saving money

“In debt? Allow me to confiscate your cards”

by Lucy Mangan
15 Jan 2017

Lucy Mangan guides us into the New Year

“So here it is! 2017: a user’s manual”

by Lucy Mangan
01 Jan 2017

Lucy Mangan doles out her annual awards

“And the award for the worst year ever goes to...”

by Lucy Mangan
09 Dec 2016

Lucy Mangan on the hope in the abuse headlines

“The silence that protects people who do terrible things is breaking down”

by Lucy Mangan
05 Dec 2016

“Happiness is getting acquainted with Mother Nature”

Lucy Mangan steps outside

by The Stylist web team
04 Dec 2016

Why ladylike language can sod off

Lucy Mangan is pleased that we have reached gender parity on swearing

by Lucy Mangan
04 Nov 2016

“Pure bliss is having the house to yourself”

Lucy Mangan on the pleasure of being home alone

by Lucy Mangan
25 Oct 2016

Feeling powerless? Don’t worry, we all are

Lucy Mangan on fighting a feeling of helplessness

by Lucy Mangan
18 Oct 2016

Lucy Mangan on why female victims of crime are not ‘asking for it’

“How rich and famous are we allowed to become before it is OK to rob us at gunpoint?”

by Lucy Mangan
11 Oct 2016

Lucy Mangan on why celebrations have become so expensive

It's a birthday, not an investment opportunity

by Lucy Mangan
10 Oct 2016