Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Poldark to ride topless through the streets of London for inaugural 'Raw Man' festival

poldark.jpg

Poldark - aka Aidan Turner - is expected to ride topless through the streets of London, in Britain's inaugural 'Raw Man' festival on the May 4 Bank Holiday this year.

In news that will delight fans of the hit BBC show, TV's latest period drama pin-up has been chosen to spearhead the event, organised by fringe group Brawny Guys Unite.

"We want to celebrate raw, swashbuckling manhood as it used to be," said the group's spokesperson Gary Mowbry. 

"These days, we all know about the 'modern man' with his partiality to skincare products and organic yogurt. But the traditional sense of man with his leathery multitude of manual skills has been eroded. 

"We're very excited to have been given the go-ahead to Britain's first-ever Raw Man festival and we think Poldark would be the perfect poster boy to eulogise masculinity in its raw, unadulterated form," he added. 

Poldark

Poldark's people are understood to have given their backing to the stunt. The actor will draw on his extensive training to ride shirtless atop a stallion on a "lap of honour" leading from Buckingham Palace to Oxford Street. 

He will be accompanied by a band playing traditional Cornish pan pipe tunes.

When the parade reaches Hyde Park, organisers hope to involve another iconic period drama actor.

"For our piece de resistance, we're approaching Mr. Darcy [Colin Firth]," explains Mowbry. "We're hoping he'll be up for reenacting his famous Pride and Prejudice scene by emerging soggily from the Serpentine.

"At this point, the music would change from traditional to something modern and sexy, like Mr. Bombastic, in honour of the moment."

Hyde Park's Serpentine lake has previously hosted a giant sculpture of Mr. Darcy, so it's thought the Oscar-winning actor would be happy to take things one step further by getting involved himself.

Colin Firth has been approached for the event

Colin Firth has been approached for the event

The event has sparked considerable enthusiasm among Britain's notable "Alpha Male" personalities. Bear Grylls has thought to have volunteered for some sort of cameo role, and the recently unemployed Jeremy Clarkson has also expressed an interest in taking part. 

"We're delighted so many luminaries of manhood have got on-board with the campaign," says Mowbry. "This is going to be ode to virile manfulness like no other."

He noted that the organisers have a number of logistical difficulties to overcome, including how to keep their lead men warm in the unpredictable British weather.

"Aidan Turner has said he uses baby oil on his torso, so we're hoping this will guard against the chill," he said. "And we'll have plenty of towels on-hand when Darcy surfaces from the lake."

In an unusual move for the notoriously cautious body, London City Hall has given the go-ahead for the event.

"I'm truly thrilled that London is hosting the world's first fete to manhood," says mayor Boris Johnson. "I only wish I was young enough to bare my chest among this impressive line-up of chaps."

However, unnamed officials have voiced their doubts over the chaos the fiesta will inevitably trigger. "This will cause traffic congestion on an unprecented scale - and on Bank Holiday too," said one. "You wouldn't get women riding topless through the streets of London, so why do men get the right?"

See more about the event here.  

Update: April Fool's Day friends! We hope you enjoyed our (sadly) entirely fictional story and check out more (happily) completely true ones below!

Photos: BBC, Words: Anna Brech

Related

Flat shoes hero.jpg

25 of the best new flats under £100

263_tablet_feat_borne_silly_lead_v2.jpg

Born Silly: Stylist explores the science of humour

téléchargement-11.jpg

Rare behind-the-scenes photos from iconic films and TV

Chanel 3.jpg

A-list Instagram highlights from the week so far

ThinkstockPhotos-504401409.jpg

Five of the best new cleansers you need to know about

rutland-2.jpg

Want to escape to the country? Britain's top 50 rural places to live

More

The best A-list Instagrams from the week so far

From a Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants reunion to Nicki Minaj's vintage look

by Nicola Colyer
18 Aug 2017

Chris Brown tried to excuse his attack on Rihanna, and it’s not OK

“Violence is a choice he made – and he alone is responsible for it”

by Kayleigh Dray
17 Aug 2017

Serena Williams on how skin colour affects what people think of her

“I feel like people think I’m mean”

by Amy Swales
17 Aug 2017

This Hocus Pocus star’s pregnancy announcement is pure 90s perfection

“I smell children…”

by Kayleigh Dray
17 Aug 2017

Anna Faris on knowing when to call time on an unhappy relationship

“Don’t be afraid to seek your independence”

by Kayleigh Dray
17 Aug 2017

Why Taylor Swift’s sexual assault verdict is a victory for womankind

The pop star has completely changed the narrative

by Kayleigh Dray
16 Aug 2017

Paris Hilton defends Donald Trump from sexual assault allegations

“I think [the women] are just trying to get attention and get fame...”

by Moya Crockett
16 Aug 2017

The personality trait that Mindy Kaling hopes to pass on to her baby

Kaling gets real about motherhood as she confirms her pregnancy

by Kayleigh Dray
15 Aug 2017

Paris Hilton describes the emotional fallout of her 2001 sex tape

“I could not leave my house for months”

by Amy Swales
15 Aug 2017

Taylor Swift wins sexual assault case for “anyone who feels silenced”

“My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard”

by Amy Swales
15 Aug 2017