Wearing the crown this week is presenter Davina McCall, 44, who would take the royal jet to Japan and give more support to midwives.
The real Queen would be my style icon. Designer Stewart Parvin makes the Queen’s outfits in block bright colours because she’s quite tiny and when lots of people gather to see her they need to be able to say “she’s in that yellow outfit down there” among a sea of grey and black. I’d take a leaf from that book and crack out the bold block colour.
There would be more green spaces for inner-city schools. I’d increase the number of play areas and pitches so there’d be more PE and outside play. Only having a concrete area to play in and needing to take a bus to a green space won’t inspire kids to get fit.
My subjects would be happy with who they are. I’ve learnt with time that there’s not much you can do to change yourself; you are who you are. I’m quite a perfectionist, I’m a busy body… go, go, go. The fact that I’m aware of this has made me a bit better, but it’s not something I can just get rid of. You become who you are because of the life you’ve had. The challenge is to learn to be happy.
I’d be friends with sassy, funny women. My most favourite person has got to be Dawn French. I wouldn’t say I’m a close friend but I have her telephone number. I love her! I also think Caitlin Moran is amazing. She’s a very funny, clever feminist who makes me weep with laughter. I admire that. You have to be very clever to be that funny.
Everyone would experience real joy. Unadulterated, unconstrained, overwhelming joy. I’m completely blessed as I feel like I have experienced joy often; when my children run towards me with their arms out; when they said, “It’s a girl,” or, “It’s a boy”; joy on my wedding day when I thought, ‘I can’t believe this gorgeous, funny man [presenter Matthew Robertson] wants to marry me!’
And a big slice of humble pie too... I’ve had massive doses of career humble pie but it’s made me a softer, nicer person. Sometimes getting taken down a few pegs is no bad thing.
I’d fly by royal jet to Japan. Tokyo is top of my travel list. It all started with an obsession about the T-shirts they make in Japan that don’t quite make sense. Like one saying ‘pigeon peace’ with the peace sign – they meant to say doves but it’s been translated to pigeon and all gone a bit Pete Tong.
I’d be able to sing like Kate Bush. Her singing does this weird, electrifying thing to me. I can sing in tune, I like a bit of karaoke but I’d love to open my mouth and have something literally orgasmic come out.
I’d be able to fly. When I was little, I used to try to fly in my dreams but I couldn’t. I’ve now perfected my dream flying where I do this weird flapping thing with my hands. As long as I’m confident, I’m fine. As soon as I think about it, I start falling. It’d be nice to do that in real life. Don’t get that dream analysed, though – it probably means I’m really screwed up!
More women and family people would be MPs in my government. The working hours in this country are bad. Lots of MPs work until 10pm so they have to have a flat in London because they can’t get home. It means lots of family people don’t become MPs – even though they’re politically minded – because it’s a pretty appalling lifestyle. My dad [Andrew McCall] wanted to be an MP but was talked out of it because of what it would have done to our family. So I’d make the whole experience of being an MP a slightly nicer one and then the government would be more family minded.
I’d bring back Clackers. They’re a piece of string and on either end there’s a rock-hard ball and they go clack, clack, clack. They got banned because sometimes one of the balls would fall off and hit someone in the face. So health and safety means there’s no more of that sort of fun. T
The queen’s handbag would contain… My Garnier UltraLift cream, as I’m all about dewy skin, and a copy of 50 Shades Of Grey. I wouldn’t put it on the school curriculum but I’d recommend it for any woman over 21. I don’t hide it away on a Kindle. I’m 44 and you care a lot less at my age.
I’d stop the marginalisation of midwives. We’re going a similar way to America in that midwives are slowly being pushed out of the delivery room and doctors are taking their place. I had three home births; I had midwives, I didn’t see one doctor. Midwives should be acknowledged, supported and revered. That’s my soapbox – I get really angry about it.
Everyone would give more than is expected. It’s our family motto. If my husband comes home from a big bike ride and says “Please could you make me a cup of tea”, I’ll make him a cup of tea and a bagel. If he runs me a bath, he lights some candles. It’s about doing that little bit extra.
Davina McCall is the face of the Garnier UltraLift Challenge. For your free 14-day trial kit visit ultraliftchallenge.co.uk