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Losing dad

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Najia Robbani, 24, a Paralegal at a large personal injury law firm in London, shares a personal tale of coping with grief.

I miss you Dad, gone but never forgotten

My dad passed away two months ago. The image of watching my dad die in front of me and my mum on his favourite chair will always be with me. It feels like it was just yesterday that he was here talking to me, joking and laughing at his own jokes. How can my dad be gone? He was only 54 - a minor heart attack they said. Surely a minor heart attack can be treated, I thought.

These questions will always be swimming in my head as well as how he will never see me get married or see his grandchildren. I will never watch him grow old. I was very close to my dad, being the eldest child I was spoilt. Daddy’s girl for sure. I feel empty now that he is gone.

What is happening to this society now – any form of loss, sadness, anguish or pain and you should consider booking yourself into the Priory?

My dad couldn’t have been more working class. He never earned much money but he worked very hard to support us and give us everything we wished for. Having come to the UK in 1978 from Bangladesh, my dad worked two jobs to send money to his father who demanded chunks of money so that he could build properties in the village. On top of that he had a wife and children to support. However, he never once complained and now looking back I wish he did because we had to watch him suffer with health problems.

My dad was a very intelligent man, his views on politics, religion, and society used to leave me in awe, and as a child I used to hang onto his every word.

After his death I was numb with shock. For two weeks I walked around the house like a zombie, neither eating nor speaking. Guests who I had never even met before (and who thought they knew it all) suggested that I should consider counselling. WHAT?! I‘m grieving I screamed in my head, I’m not psycho you idiots! What is happening to this society now – any form of loss, sadness, anguish or pain and you should consider booking yourself into the Priory. Surely we should be allowed to grieve privately without being judged?

It is true when people say that without parents you have no one who you can fully trust. Parent’s love is unconditional; they are never malicious and will never hurt you intentionally.

I hope one day I can repay the love my father had shown me to my children and tell them what an amazing person their granddad was.

For now, I know that I must get on with my life. I will never forget my dad and I will miss him every single day, but I hope he knows that I have not forgotten him and never will. Fortunately for me I still have one parent left and I must do everything I can to make my mum feel special and loved. She just lost her husband and her life partner, the feeling of loss and emptiness is indescribable. I hope we, her children can fill in some of the emptiness that she is feeling.

Would you like to be a Stylist columnist? Email a 650 piece – it can be about anything from style to politics – with a photo and your contact details, age, occupation and location to: columnist@stylist.co.uk

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