Two of a kind?

A Stylist reader on being a twin

Rebecca Dowbiggin, a business analyst from London, gives us a peek at what it is like being a twin.

The recent photos of identical twins Jedward sharing a bath in the Big Brother house (at the age of 20 ) probably confirmed most people’s ideas of twins: that they’re a bit odd. The Winklevoss brothers in the film The Social Network may have also contributed to this impression. I have met the (real) Winklevii in person and, like Jedward, they look exactly the same, dress the same (double denim is a particular favourite, not the most obvious choice for two millionaires) and even chat up the same girl. (Singular. I once watched one talk to a girl in a bar while the other nuzzled her neck – ewww.)

As an identical twin myself, I feel I can pass judgement on these famous pairs and clarify that they are not the norm. I cannot remember the last time I took a bath with my sister (apologies, male readers.) We have not dressed alike since early childhood, and are very much not in our own “twin world” - something confirmed by a brief and very unsuccessful period of sharing a house together after university.

However, it is different to be a twin – or at least I think it is, given I’ve never been a ‘singleton’. For example, from before birth I’ve never been alone. This has a certain comforting aspect, and was definitely useful when we were growing up – every day was a play-date. Our mother didn’t have to worry about providing stimulating toys as together, we were all the stimulation we needed.

The constant company, however, has had the unexpected side effect of making us feel less confident when the other twin isn’t around. We were always encouraged to be individuals, were placed in separate classes at school and chose different colleges (albeit at the same university). Yet even now, at 28, I very much dislike entering social situations alone. There is always the mild panic at not having someone by my side which I suspect is because, deep down, I am still one half of a duo.

"It is different to be a twin – or at least I think it is, given I’ve never been a ‘singleton’."

Many non-twins see this partnership as something to be envied, as if a twin is a ready-made, permanent best friend. “I always wanted a twin growing up,” I hear frequently. “It sounds so fun!” Well, in my experience, a twin is not your automatic BFF. It would be more accurate to say that a twin is a copy of yourself, with small changes caused by different experiences. Do you think you’re good company? Try spending time with yourself – not in an abstract sense, but in having a living, breathing person sat opposite. She has the same sense of humour and you’ll instantly “get” everything she says – but you might realise that she has a mean streak you didn’t want to admit you had, and that she judges other people more harshly that you realised you did.

Twins were originally meant to be one person. Me and my twin are more similar than we are different, but she is (for example) flirtier and can be more fun in some situations. (I’m reluctant to say “is” more fun, but that could be true.) What does that say about me? Is she what I could be, if I faced up to my insecurities and enjoyed myself more? Occasionally she says or does things that I would like to believe I would never say or do. But how true is that? Does her behaviour keep me in check? I suspect these are questions that will chase me all my life.

Looking at Jedward in their bath, I doubt these issues trouble them – at least for now. Perhaps they (and their family?) decided early on that it was easier to embrace and encourage their similarity. But I think it would be better if I wasn’t a twin. And don’t worry: as with most things, my twin agrees.

Do you agree with Rebecca's experience of being a twin? Share your views in the comments section below.