I’ll take a bet that the toadstool emoji has made few appearances in your WhatsApp chats in the last 24 hours; that your childhood memories of playing Super Mario brothers are forever tarnished; that your Twitter feed is full of funghi-related memes; that you’ve lost the taste for wild mushroom risotto for eternity…

Just in case anyone has managed to avoid the incredibly visual revelations (warning: if you had mushrooms for breakfast this morning you might want to brace yourself) made about Donald Trump yesterday, I’ll take the opportunity to fill you in. The Guardian has published an excerpt from porn actress Stormy Daniel’s forthcoming book, Full Disclosure. Drawing on her experiences of her alleged sexual encounters with the 45th President of the United States (Trump has denied the alleged affair although he has admitted to authorizing his personal lawyer to pay Daniels $130,000 for her silence), she paints a rather colourful picture of his penis. Some choice quotes to follow:

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f*cked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart… it may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

Why I don’t feel guilty about penis-shaming Donald Trump