“What’s your star sign?”
We’ve all been asked this question at least once in our lives, usually on a first date (clichés exist for a reason). And, to be honest, it’s… well, it’s usually fine. After all, there’s nothing an astrology addict loves more than talking non-stop about the zodiac – and even the staunchest non-believers know enough to tell you that theirs is a Capricorn horoscope, or a Scorpio, or even an Ophiuchus.
However, we have a feeling that some of us are about to do a Taylor Swift and exclude themselves from this never-ending narrative. Because, according to new research by crime novelist David Jester, people born under one particular star sign are most likely to become a serial killer. Bummer, huh?
Speaking with astrological sleuths at The Mirror, Jester explained that he spent two years researching the zodiac signs of some of the most prolific or notorious serial killers in the UK and USA. And it’s bad news for people born under Taurus.
That’s right, folks: it seems people born between 20 April and 20 May are apparently most likely to become serial killers. Think H.H. Holmes (America’s first modern serial killer), Michael Ryan (the man behind the Hungerford Massacre), David Copeland (the London Nail Bomber) and cannibal Albert Fish (aka the “Werewolf of Wysteria”), to name just a handful.
“Although reliable, Taureans can also be stubborn and possessive,” writes The Mirror. “They don’t like anything too complicated, they despise insecurities and they don’t do well with changes. They are devoted, patient and hard-working, too – traits which can make for a great personality in someone who is stable and good-natured, but an evil manipulator in someone who is not.”
It’s worth noting that, when Dr Elizabeth Yardley (director of the Centre for Applied Criminology at Birmingham City University) highlighted the five key characteristics of a serial killer for Real Crime magazine, the subject of their horoscopes didn’t come up.
Instead, Yardley focused on their superficial charm, their arrogance, their ability to blend in (just look at Ted Bundy), and their skills in extreme emotional manipulation.
Above all else, though, she warned people to watch out for those who “have a real affinity with power”.
“Intent on exerting some kind of control over the people around them, they often hold back bits of crucial information in a bid to maintain power over the situation, gain attention and assert a warped sense of authority,” she said.
Which brings us to the flipside of this unfortunate Taurus news: yes, Taureans are apparently more likely to become serial killers – but they’re also (again, take this with a heavy dose of ‘apparently’) more likely to become CEOs, too.
Exclusive research from Business Comparison has revealed the common traits of the world’s most successful CEOs. And, once again, the mere fact of “being a Taurus” has made the list.
“The most common [CEO] star sign is Taurus, with Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg and BBC CEO Tim Davie two of the eight Taurus CEOs,” the report reads.
“Taurus signs are thought to be reliable, stubborn, ambitious, practical and patient. These sound like the perfect traits of a successful CEO!”
It’s amazing how the personality traits of one star sign can be so readily applied to pretty much anything, right? It’s almost as if the Taurean bio is so vague, and so open to interpretation, that it’s rendered entirely meaningless.
Personally, we recommend putting in the hard work if you want to become a CEO, rather than resting on your horoscope’s laurels. Likewise, if you fancy yourself as the world’s next big serial killer… well, that’s a massive problem, actually.
Maybe it’s time to book yourself a session with a certified psychotherapist and get all those murderous feelings out in the open, before you become just another Taurean statistic.