Look, I get that this song has a beautiful underlying meaning – but John doesn’t really sound like he hopes I’ll have fun. He sounds like he’s hinting at the fact that I’ve achieved very little over the past 12 months and I need to get my act together if I want to put an end to world war. And that’s a lot of pressure, John.

All I want to do right now is eat cheese, read terrible cracker jokes, hug my loved ones and forget about the drudgery of reality for a little while. Is that so much to ask?

35) Here Comes Santa Claus (Right Down Santa Claus Lane) – Elvis Presley

It’s pretty joyful, sure – and nobody can accuse Elvis of creating anything less than a toe-tapper with this one. But if the man can only be bothered to name two of Santa’s reindeer, then I’m thinking his heart isn’t in it. And I need a whole lotta heart with my festive music, damn it.

34) Fairytale Of New York – The Pogues and Kirsty McColl

Every single year, we have the same debate about this song. But, whether you agree with the BBC’s decision to play an edited version of Fairytale Of New York (without the controversial slur) or not, you can’t deny that this is a song about being down on your luck, desperate and drunkenly shouting at your soon-to-be-ex on a cold winter’s night.

So, yeah, a bit like the musical version of an EastEnders Christmas special then. Go figure.

33) Stay Another Day – East 17

This Christmas classic is an undeniably gorgeous example of festive melancholia, thanks to its sombre subject matter and raw emotional harmonies. But, as I stated very clearly at the beginning of this article, I’m in the (Christmas) market for joyful ditties only. Sorry, East 17.

32) Everyday Is Christmas – Sia

So Sia says that every day is Christmas when I’m here with her, but she sounds pretty… well, she sounds pretty mournful about it, if I’m honest. Melancholic. Haunted, even. And, while I do love a haunting melody or two (see my fondness for Kate Bush as proof), I’d much prefer someone to be bouncing off the walls in excitement at my presence, quite frankly. Especially at Christmas.

31) Baby, It’s Cold Outside – Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews

The 37 best Christmas songs of all time, as ranked by their ability to spark joy