The kids are not alright, if this movie is anything to go by. Based on the novel by John Green, Lauren Myracle and Maureen Johnson, this film feels aggressively focus-grouped, like the Netflix algorithm cobbled together a movie based on its most popular teen films. The result is somewhat garbled and a lot less charming than it ought to be.

Basically, there are three storylines that all intersect, Love Actually-style. The first follows Duke (Kiernan Shipka) and Tobin (Mitchell Hope), two best friends who don’t realise that they’re meant to be together… yet. Simultaneously, pals Addie (Odeya Rush) and Dorrie (Liv Hewson) are both fighting their own battles: Addie to realise that she shouldn’t let her terrible boyfriend belittle her, and Dorrie as she tries to tell her crush that she wants to be with her. Finally, there’s Julie (Isabela Merced), who meets teen idol Stuart (Shameik Moore) – I don’t care what you tell me, but no teen idol in the history of teen idols has ever been called Stuart – and spends a day with him, learning what it means to really seize the day. All the while, a snowstorm is raging, and a few other characters are planning a blow-out party at their town’s Waffle House. Everyone is invited!

This movie thinks that it’s Love Actually for teenagers. It is not. All these teenagers, with all their problems, end up grating rather than ingratiating themselves with the audience. The best storyline is the sweet, teenage Notting Hill meets A Star Is Born one – just a girl, standing in front of a very famous boy, asking him to love her. Overall, though, watching this movie made me feel exhausted. And I know I’m old because I just kept wondering where all these teenagers’ parents were, and why they weren’t giving their children adequate supervision.

Pudding rating: 2, and they’re not even that cute

Netflix Christmas movies reviewed: we rank them from hilarious to hilariously awful