15) Rachel hasn’t clocked he’s the world’s most famous author; she thinks he’s a struggling artist. And I think this is largely why he changes his mind about helping her; he’s utterly charmed by the idea of a woman who’s not fawning over him for once. He’s going to take her to talk to Ellie.

16) As luck would have it, Ellie has already bagged herself a first date (that was quick!), so Jake takes Rachel out for dinner at the town’s Italian restaurant. There, we learn that our girl a) speaks fluent Italian, b) prefers to split her bills, c) is applying for a job at the UN, and d) is ENGAGED. To a boring accountant man called ALAN. We’re as shocked as Jake is, quite honestly.

17) To cut a long story short (too late!) Rachel and Jake bond over a spot of late-night piano playing before chatting to Ellie about Rachel’s biological mum – who was Jake’s 17-year-old au pair (“Her name was kind of Christmassy”) many, many years ago. Weird that he didn’t remember, but whatever. She advises the pair chat to Jake’s estranged dad in a bid to find out more, and so – after some angsty soul searching from Jake – they load up his 4x4 and head off on a beautifully wintry cross-country adventure together. Honestly, every single stop on their journey looks like it’s been ripped straight off a Christmas card.

18) Another side note: Jake running barefoot through the rain in a sodden white t-shirt, à la Mr Darcy – was so unnecessary. But very much appreciated, all the same.

19) Rachel 100% googled Jake, so she knows he’s a hella famous author now. Balance is restored. Also, good safety tip: always google the strange man you’re about to join for a long-distance road trip.

20) Also, Rachel has found her mum’s diary stashed among Jake’s things. Do you know how she knows it’s her mum’s diary? Because the very first line says, “My name is Noel Ellis, I’m 17 years old, and I’m having a baby.” HANDY!

The Noel Diary: “every single thought I had while watching Netflix’s popular new Christmas film”