I think I might have reached a baking plateau

It’s taken a while but this week I think I have arrived in, as my colleague Kayleigh put it, The Bermuda Triangle week of Bake Off. Most of my feelings about the show have been sucked into a vacuum; my emotions seem to have disappeared. And I’m not sure why.

It might be what Dave, Peter, Marc, Hermine and Laura had to cook. I fundamentally disagree with mini cheesecakes. What’s wrong with one big one that everyone can enjoy together? What does it say about the world that we can’t share? Even the cheesecakes themselves protested about being separated from their cheesy and cakey brothers and sisters becoming: “slippery little buggers”, “mudslides” and “cauldrons” – none of which is good!

And don’t get me started on the Sussex pond pudding from the 1700s. I still don’t understand what I was witnessing: suety dough with a stabbed lemon inside. And why did it need hours longer to cook than what was allotted them “Why does anyone even eat this in 2020?” asked Hermine with a rationality I don’t think I could manage. Even Prue admitted that while it was her favourite, as an 80-year-old perhaps it wouldn’t be to everyone’s tastes.

Perhaps it’s because the tension is high but not high enough – there’s still a couple of weeks to go, and they’re all operating at a slightly frantic frequency, but with not enough drama. And other than Peter, no one dares admit they really want to win.

Maybe it’s just the increasingly bizarre rounds messing with me – I just want to see someone make a nice sausage roll, not injecting liquid jelly into set jelly. I also think the lack of Lottie in the tent has lowered the energy. But then low energy is very much the theme of 2020.

GBBO: everyone’s favourite brand of Bake Off drama was missing from dessert week