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GBBO: everyone’s favourite brand of Bake Off drama was missing from dessert week

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Helen Bownass
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It’s dessert week in the Bake Off tent, here’s what we made of it. Warning: week eight spoilers ahead. 

It was quarter final week in the baking tent tonight – although I didn’t see much baking occurring. Instead it was a lot of steaming, setting and chilling (and we know how that goes after the ice-cream dramas of 80s week). 

And for the first time in the show’s history the five remaining bakers have all been star bakers in previous weeks. It took me until tonight to notice none of them had received a handshake, though, which I presume has been eliminated due to our old nemesis Covid

Here’s what was on my mind in dessert week…

GBBO: Peter
GBBO: Peter

I think I might have reached a baking plateau 

It’s taken a while but this week I think I have arrived in, as my colleague Kayleigh put it, The Bermuda Triangle week of Bake Off. Most of my feelings about the show have been sucked into a vacuum; my emotions seem to have disappeared. And I’m not sure why.

It might be what Dave, Peter, Marc, Hermine and Laura had to cook. I fundamentally disagree with mini cheesecakes. What’s wrong with one big one that everyone can enjoy together? What does it say about the world that we can’t share? Even the cheesecakes themselves protested about being separated from their cheesy and cakey brothers and sisters becoming: “slippery little buggers”, “mudslides” and “cauldrons” – none of which is good!

And don’t get me started on the Sussex pond pudding from the 1700s. I still don’t understand what I was witnessing: suety dough with a stabbed lemon inside. And why did it need hours longer to cook than what was allotted them “Why does anyone even eat this in 2020?” asked Hermine with a rationality I don’t think I could manage. Even Prue admitted that while it was her favourite, as an 80-year-old perhaps it wouldn’t be to everyone’s tastes.

Perhaps it’s because the tension is high but not high enough – there’s still a couple of weeks to go, and they’re all operating at a slightly frantic frequency, but with not enough drama. And other than Peter, no one dares admit they really want to win.

Maybe it’s just the increasingly bizarre rounds messing with me – I just want to see someone make a nice sausage roll, not injecting liquid jelly into set jelly. I also think the lack of Lottie in the tent has lowered the energy. But then low energy is very much the theme of 2020. 

GBBO: Hermine

 Although that said, I did raise a few smiles for the women (and only the women)

With Marc now gone, if neither Laura or, this week’s star baker, Hermine win Bake Off I am resigning from the world. I am never turning my TV on again. I am going to give a press conference outside my local landscaping centre about the injustice…

They bring the skills and personality to the show – anyone who can quote Destiny’s Child and “I don’t’ think you’re ready for this jelly” while manipulating gelatine must not be underestimated. And I must say: give everyone the confidence of two women who have just spent 4.5 hours making an excellently executed jelly showstopper, as demonstrated by both a proud Laura and Hermine, and it would be enough to change the world!

Here’s hoping my baking passion is back next week…

Images: Channel 4 

The Great British Bake Off is on All 4