Caitlin says: “Here I present to you the 29 things invented over the past 24 years that have greatly improved my life.”
We’ve saved you the stress of heading to the shops – simply click on an item in the gallery below, and shop the full list from the comfort of your computer.
HOW CAN OATS BE EVEN CREAMIER THAN ACTUAL CREAM? THANK YOU SCIENCE.
Normal floss doesn’t biodegrade. This does, and comes in a refillable glass jar.
Layer under anything to keep wearing your summer dresses/ blouses in winter.
I give these to everyone: tiny company invents best bargain headphones in the world. THE BASS.
TASH BE GONE
90s: many hair-removal- cream face-burns. 2019: cute electric tash-zapper. Be Mercury no more.
Dog urine trashing your lawn? Plant micro clover: urine-proof, insect-friendly and lush.
All other jeans have given me camel-toe visible from Canada. These forgive around the mons.
In 1995 we had an A-Z, 10p for the phonebox, a Sony Discman and 20 CDs. This is better.
from £499, apple.com/uk
If you live in the UK and use an SPF, there’s no WAY you’re not vitamin D deficient. EAT THESE.
LIFE IS A FLOWER
The only perfume people have run down the street to ask, “What is that?” Deepest summer neroli.
Turmeric a) boosts skin b) supports the gut c) stains like a bitch. But is d) delicious in a latte.
Dab on impending acne and this RAINS DOWN FURY UNTIL THE SPOT DIES.
It’s dog food made of insects (more eco-friendly meat!) and dogs are too stupid to notice.
The only – and I mean only – sock that will stay on a baby’s fat, sausage-like leg.
Like watching Lorraine Kelly, you just don’t have to worry about anything with these tights.
The HPV vaccine protects against cervical, anal, vaginal and vulval cancer. THANK YOU AGAIN, SCIENCE
I mean, I just have Gross all over me. The film of my life would be a Gross-out movie.
Hey Girls donates a pack of pads or tampons to women in need for every one you buy.
from £2.85, heygirls.co.uk
Chanel Vitalumière Aqua makes the acne-prone-yet-ageing woman look lit as if by God.
For those with an achilles urethra: finally, a cure. No more crying in the bath at 2am.
Dream T: upper arm coverage! Collarbone revealage! Lycra for slight tit-cling!
This will not shift, smudge or die. You can legit apply Monday, still be reaping on Wednesday.
KING OF GIFTS
So expensive you are literally burning money, but compared to a cocaine habit, so benign.
Fuck you if you don’t love Crocs. It’s a comfy clog you can put in the dishwasher. Result.
Found control for major tum. Eliminates chub-rub! The most comfortable your arse has ever been.
Carry a metal straw with you; contemplate the guts of baleen whales guilt-free.
SURE, SO SURE
Mum’s Roll-On was better to masturbate with but this 21st century stick is the supremo whiff-slayer.
Images: courtesy of brands, Getty images
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