Like most folks roughly my age, I grew up around a culture of fatphobia and body-shaming that led me to believe that my size and shape dictated my value and how others treated me; that strict dieting and discipline in the gym was a virtue; that if I could have Kate Moss’s legs in a pair of denim shorts, I’d be happier.

I’ve spent some time in recovery unpacking these limiting beliefs, and I can finally see them for what they are: restrictive, unhelpful, unhealthy, and, not to mention, not even the least bit true. We might still have a way to go in terms of body acceptance in our society but, my god, we’ve come a long way from “nothing tastes as good as being thin.” Stuff your shorts, Moss. Nothing tasted good when I was thin.

It’s been fascinating unpacking and undoing everything I thought I knew about eating. After years of training myself to only eat when I’m hungry, my metabolism has been shot to pieces and my hunger cues are suppressed. In recovery, I’m eating mechanically, most often when I just don’t feel hungry. I’ve gone from trying to create the biggest plates with the fewest calories to clueing myself up on calorie-dense foods.

“How I’m navigating eating more during RED-S recovery so I can still exercise”