Talk about your sleep needs (even if they seem selfish)

Sleep, like many factors in life, changes with circumstance. From partners who work night shifts to couples with small children and menopausal women dealing with disrupted sleep, many of us will face evolving sleep patterns that threaten to impact intimacy and connection.

Vass advises talking about the challenges. That openness, she says, can help you to “avoid unhelpful thinking styles like over-generalising, making assumptions or catastrophising. Try to maintain flexibility and curiosity with each other.” Naturally, as life evolves and changes, she encourages us to remember that these life stages are temporary; it’s important not to get discouraged.

I’ve made peace with the fact that my sleeping habits are going to evolve over time. I’m open to change and not prudish about trying anything that isn’t deemed ‘normal’. A survey by interiors brand Dusk found that 44% of British women prefer sleeping solo. Right now, my partner and I are travelling full-time, so we have no choice but to make co-sleeping work for us. But who’s to say in the future, once we have our own place (hopefully with a spare room), that we might go our separate ways?

We’ve always been able to chew the fat on the big topics – marriage, children, finances – and sleep should also be on that list. After all, we spend a third of our existence sleeping and we deserve to feel just as satisfied with our resting lives as we do with our waking ones. But, as with any component of a relationship, making sure both of our needs are equally met remains a priority. I’ve learned to enjoy our later nights out because I see how much the effort means to him. Equally, during the hours when our plans clash, we can be independent and tap into our selfish needs.

Following Vass’s advice of maintaining flexibility, we now accommodate our schedules without stressing about perfect alignment. For now, I’ll count my sheep, secure in the knowledge that no matter how our sleep habits evolve, my partner and I will always try to find ways to stay in sync.

“I’m an early bird who goes to bed at 9pm, and my partner’s a night owl – these are the 3 tips that helped us make our conflicting sleep schedules work”