Worries about your identity are OK

“When you become a mother, you’re adjusting to a new role. You’re dealing with a new responsibility and it’s natural to think: What has happened to me? Who am I? What is my life anymore?” says Dr Ranieri. “It is a new identity that you’re contending with. Before having kids, maybe you were social and now you find it more difficult to leave the house. Perhaps your social circle of friends don’t quite understand your experiences and you need to find a new set of friends to understand it. It’s normal to need time to transition into a new identity, and that doesn’t mean you’re leaving all aspects of your previous identity behind. It’s about what is most important to you now.”

Look for community

“There are lots of amazing spaces online that can give invaluable peer support,” says Moore. “Friends and family members can help people find these places online where people can hear other’s stories, but also hear stories of recovery.”

“Find your tribe,” says Dr Ranieri. “Especially if you’re in a city without family around. You may find other mothers in a similar situation who you can share your experiences with. If you’re struggling to leave the house, look for online forums and apps to connect with others.”

Bonding with a new baby is different for everyone

“There are expectations that you’ll see your baby and straight away you’ll be in love, but that’s not always the case for everybody and it adds so much pressure on women to feel that way,” says Dr Ranieri. “Sometimes when a baby arrives they can feel like a stranger to us, especially if it’s been a traumatic birth. It can take time to recover from that and it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to bond with the baby at all.”

Educate yourself

“I wouldn’t want anybody pregnant to feel scared. We hear the negatives, but day in, day out, there are wonderful people providing really good care,” says Moore. “Just educate yourself as much as you can, and have lots of conversations with your partner or friends and family about what you want and what you don’t want. Make sure you have people who can advocate for you if needed. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and challenge care.”

“I’m a perinatal expert – here’s what I want pregnant women to know about birth trauma and navigating the fourth trimester”