Anorgasmia, or the inability to orgasm, can happen for a variety of reasons. According to sex educator Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate, one of the most common is struggling to understand the type of sexual stimulation that works for you.

“Research shows that women who orgasm more regularly, whether solo or with a partner, tend to focus way more on clitoral stimulation,” she explains. “But because mainstream media often portrays orgasms as something that only happens through penetration, many women assume there’s something wrong with them when they’ve never taken the time to explore clitoral play.”

Stats suggest over 70% of women use clitoral stimulation to climax, while only 18% orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Add to this a lack of comprehensive sex education in our teen years, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel disconnected from our own bodies. “You’d be surprised, but a lot of women don’t even know where their clitoris is,” Mitz says.

“I’m a sex therapist – this is the exact advice I give to clients who struggle to orgasm”