CAUGHT IN A TRAP

What are the clues that you might be stuck in an all-or-nothing thinking trap? Often the clearest indication is a harsh or condemning response to anything less than perfection, particularly when combined with words such as: always, never, everyone, failure, useless and cant. Some examples below:

• I missed a workout, I’m such a failure

• I didn’t get a second date, I’ll never find someone

• Other people are coping better than me. Why am I so useless?

These words and phrases are powerful; they promote a mindset in which our skills and abilities are fixed and the outcome is already determined. When it comes to tackling important problems or trying new things, this attitude can be your downfall. If you’ve already decided that you’ll never be able to do it, why would you bother continuing to try? In that case, maybe you don’t try, or you give up. In this way, all-or-nothing thinking undermines the growth process and keeps you stuck.

FLIP THE SCRIPT

One simple, but effective way of challenging your all-or-nothing thinking is to ask yourself ‘Would I say this to someone I care about who was trying to do something difficult?’ If your friend had a bad first date would you tell them, ‘Yeah, you’re never going to find anyone’? If they didn’t get the job, would you put your arm around their shoulder and whisper, ‘I guess you’re always gonna be a failure’? No? I hope not.

More than likely, you would remind them of how tough it is to make big changes, how setbacks are to be expected, how courageous they are for trying, and encourage them to keep going. Remember that you are human and deserving of the same basic kindness as everyone else. Try writing out what you would say to a friend and then reading it back to yourself.

Crucially, remind yourself that process is everything; that you get stronger – mentally and physically – with repeated effort. Pyramids were built one block at a time. You can’t control the outcome, you can only control the effort that you make, so credit yourself for making the effort. Take a deep breath and try again.

GO GENTLY

Finally, all-or-nothing thinking is often habitual, which means that changing it can take a bit of time. So go easy on yourself as you try to challenge this thinking trap. You will be rewarded for this effort by cultivating a kinder, less punishing relationship with yourself, which in turn will make you more mentally resilient. The less time you spend beating yourself up for not being perfect, the more energy you have to focus on working towards your goals.

How to avoid the the trap of all-or-nothing thinking around fitness and diet