“The most useful piece of advice I got before giving birth was to purchase a TENS machine – it made early labour so much more bearable for me and gave me a feeling of control over my contractions because you can press a button to activate the TENS when you feel a contraction coming.” Bryony, 39, a mum of two, Portsmouth

“I found something one of my best friends told me before I had my baby helpful: it’s totally OK and normal not to feel that instant rush of love for your baby that you see in the films. Not feeling that way doesn’t make you a bad mum and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it; that connection will come, so try not to be hard on yourself during those first few weeks. Think of it this way: it’s like a little stranger has just moved into your house that cries all the time, keeps you up and night and completely disrupts your life – it’s normal not to feel complete adoration straight away.” Danielle, 38, a mum of two, St Albans

“My top tip would be to drop your shoulders. During the birth of my first child, my midwife told me to drop my shoulders, but in the throes of childbirth, I didn’t take in what she was saying. However, during my second birth, I gave it a try and had a completely different experience. Raising your shoulders increases tension, which keeps the pain of the contraction around for longer. Dropping your shoulders allows the body to relax more and can help to reduce pain.” Michelle, 38, a mum of two, Leicestershire

“Educate yourself. I had no idea how the body works when it comes to labour and it was a revelation. I also had no idea about the role hormones play in childbirth until I actively started learning. Basically, we’re not that different from animals; no mammal would give birth if they had loads of adrenaline and cortisol running through their bodies because that would indicate a predator is nearby – they’d wait until the danger had passed. So, I learned how important it is to be in a dimly lit space where you feel safe and loved so you can activate that oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) release. Sometimes going to hospital, with its bright lights and alarming sounds, can slow down labour. The key thing is having informed choice – educating yourself on the biological reality of giving birth, knowing your rights and understanding how maternity services work. I did a birth education course, which was brilliant and gave me lots of advice. I’m sure it played a big role in me having such a positive birthing experience.” Nicola, 39, a mum of one, Shrewsbury

Why is childbirth so dangerous in the UK? 33 women share the one thing that made their experience more positive