As someone with a tendency to over-apologise, it’s laughable how often I say “sorry”. Just this morning I apologised twice to two men in the supermarket when I needed to get past, despite them blocking the aisle and being more interested in their conversation than aware of other shoppers. Later, while having my gel nail polish removed at a local salon, I must have said “sorry” three times when my nail technician told me I’d left too long between appointments.

Of course, there will always be people who, like me, apologise over trivial things. One study found that almost a third of British people feel they apologise too often, with women apologising more often than men. But, could this be impacting our abilities to make genuine apologies and make sure our apologies actually have an effect?

Last week, Psychology Today published The Mystery Of A Genuine Apology by Joseph E Davis, a Research Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia who had tried to start a research project on apologies. Davis asked, “have apologies become anachronistic, mere formulaic gestures?” and detailed what an “effective” apology looks like – including using it as a means to heal personal relationships and affirming the wrongness of what we have done. When I think about the apologies I need to be effective in my life (I’m talking after a row with my partner, rather than when I’m side-stepping people to run for a bus in the morning) I wonder whether they’re as sincere as they can be, or have they become formulaic? During conflict, I admit I’ve apologised to my partner, friends or family because I’m tired and can’t be bothered to argue any more or because I think the word “sorry” will just resolve an issue there and then, rather than having to work harder at finding a resolution.

How often do you say sorry? How to tell if your apologies are genuine – and what to do if they’re not