Living with BPD is difficult. Every day, I still struggle with intense mood swings, periods of depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harm, impulsive behaviours and a chronic fear of abandonment. These things didn’t leave just because I had a diagnosis.

Getting a diagnosis was not the end of my journey or the grand solution I thought that it would be; instead, it was just the beginning. The BPD label came with its own set of challenges and struggles.

While being diagnosed helped me understand myself better and access the support and resources that I needed, it also triggered feelings of shame, guilt, anger and denial. Sometimes, I felt like I was broken or flawed, and that I deserved to be punished or rejected because my mental health condition meant that I was difficult to love.

Getting a diagnosis of BPD also affected my relationships with my family, friends and partners. Some of them were supportive and understanding, and they helped me to cope and heal. But some were not. For some, mental health was a white luxury that had no room in the lives of Africans struggling with basics like water, food and electricity. This was all before adding all the stigma and misconceptions that surround BPD, especially with the thousands of loud voices online that dictate what it means to be borderline.

“I thought getting a BPD diagnosis would fix me – but it was only the start of my journey”