Independence is a great trait to have – but when people struggle to accept or ask for help and feel that don’t need anyone, this can turn into something far more concerning.
Being independent is a brilliant trait to have. There’s nothing more freeing than knowing that you are comfortable and confident in being able to take care of yourself regardless of those around you, and it’s truly an essential characteristic that we should all aim to have.
But what happens when that independence turns into something else? When you no longer reach out to loved ones in a time of need or you feel like you don’t need anyone anymore? Well, chances are these heightened levels of independence could be a sign of something so much more – and two experts have highlighted the one thing this can be linked to.
Dr Mariel Buque, a psychologist and intergenerational trauma expert, has taken to TikTok to share her definition and signs of “hyper-independence”, which she describes as “a step up from being independent” and is something many people deal with unknowingly.
In the video, Dr Buque addresses some of the signs of someone who is hyper-independent, ie people who are uncomfortable letting others help them and are used to doing things themselves.
“You’re so used to doing things yourself, taking care of yourself in every way possible and not needing a single soul. It’s your survival mechanism,” she says.
She adds that hyper-independence is often a result of someone who “lost trust in anyone being able to adequately care for you, typically because growing up no one did”.
“So you had to figure out ways to take care of your own needs,” she says. “This is getting in the way of allowing others to do good things for you and you deserve that.”
But there are ways to work through it, as noted by Dr Buque, who shared one method on how to combat this issue.
“Give others one way that they can show up for you today and write down what it was like for you to let go a little,” she advises. “Remember this is a step out of your norm so breathe through it.”
Many took to the comments to share how the video related to them.
One commented: “This was a throat punch. It’s so true and I never knew there was a phrase for it and a clear way on how to handle it.”
Another said: “You are always on time to address what I am thinking or going through. Thank you. I am grateful for you.”