Amy*, 35, decided to leave after she became uncomfortable with the dynamic. “My therapist started bringing in too many relatable personal stories and I felt like we were becoming overfamiliar; it was hard for me to ask for what I needed in the space,” she says. “After a while, I – a person who famously loves to talk – ran out of energy to keep talking,” she adds. “I didn’t want to process my trauma anymore; I just wanted to get on with things.” In comparison to a situation that is actively harming you, this might not seem like such a dealbreaker. But it’s important to think about how much therapy is actively helping you too. “Therapy is great,” Carolyn says, “but just showing up weekly isn’t growth. I think many use ‘I’m in therapy…’ as an excuse not to do the real work.”

There are also financial consequences to consider. The price of regular, private therapy can be a huge factor in deciding to leave. In the UK, the average price ranges from £40 to £100 a session. “I quit therapy because I wasn’t sure that the stress relieved by therapy was outweighing the stress caused by paying for therapy,” Sam*, 28, says plainly. Christie also readily admits the main reason she left therapy was “because of the money. Even on a lower income rate it was still an unreal amount,” she says. “£50 every week really adds up.” Over the two years she went to therapy, she worked out she’d spent over £1,000. “Maybe even £2,000!”

It’s also important to note that people seek therapy for all sorts of reasons – and not all of those require it to be long-term. “In therapy, some people are looking to understand a particular situation in their life or to get short-term support. Some people are looking for techniques on managing anxiety and others are looking for longer-term support,” Lee says. Sometimes, when something specific has been worked through, it might be the right time to call it.

Lucy* started therapy during lockdown and while in a “really unhappy” relationship, She found it useful “pre, during and immediately in that post-breakup period”, she says. “But then I kept going for over a year and a half after that point – long after it felt necessary or productive.” She found herself silent a lot of the time. “I’d try to chat about the books my therapist had on his shelf. Essentially, I kept going out of politeness,” Lucy admits, “and because I had no idea how one generally stops seeing a therapist.”

In the end, after a particularly quiet session, Lucy sent her therapist an email to say ‘Thanks for everything, but I won’t be back,’ and ignored a follow-up email where he suggested she come back for one goodbye session. She cringes slightly at this bit of ghosting but she knows she made the right decision. “I feel very happy not to be in therapy. I have a weekday evening back – now a dedicated cinema day – and I’m saving money.”

So how can you tell if the therapist you’re with is right for you? And, if they’re not, how do you break up with them without resorting to ghosting their emails? “Any ethical therapist will not want someone to be in therapy if it’s not right for them,” psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan says. “Most therapists will regularly review the benefits of the work to make sure their client is getting what they need from it.” There are lots of reasons why someone might decide to stop, she suggests. “If you start to feel like you are looking forward to seeing your therapist but you don’t really have much to talk about or the sessions feel like you are just reviewing your week without hitting on areas you would like support to explore or work on then it might be time to talk about creating a plan to go it alone for a bit,” Dr Keenan says.

“Therapists are normally really pleased to hear that someone is ready to fly solo,” she adds. “If your reasons are more to do with the fit and chemistry then we are also very open to feedback and absolutely understand that we won’t be the best person for everyone.” It can be a bit like dating, she says: “You will be able to feel if someone just doesn’t feel right, so don’t worry about ‘shopping around’.”

* Some names have been changed

“I didn’t have the energy to keep talking”: 5 women on the moment they decided to quit therapy