One day, I was recommended Facebook groups – a surprise, as I rarely used the platform.

The Miscarriage Association set up its private, moderated Facebook group in 2011 for anyone affected by pregnancy loss. The charity’s national director Ruth Bender Atik says: “For many people, this is the only place where they can truly share their feelings without having to worry what family and friends think, a place where they feel validated. For others, just reading people’s posts and others’ responses is help in itself – again, reducing the sense of loneliness that so many people feel after pregnancy loss.”

I also joined the aptly named The Worst Girl Gang Ever. Founder Bex Gunn set up the community in the spring of 2020 after a missed miscarriage. “We had over 1,000 women join the Facebook group overnight,” she says.

Both The Miscarriage Association and TWGGE have separate groups for women trying to conceive after loss and pregnancy after loss. These were lifelines for me when I became pregnant for a third time. My mind was often a dark place, especially in the early weeks of the third pregnancy. I started spotting again and was certain it was the end. The communities became my crutch alongside Tommy’s free midwife contact service, which I used before I was assigned my (brilliant) NHS mental health midwife. “For some, they’re a place where you can better understand your own feelings by talking to others about theirs,” midwifery manager Kate Marsh tells me. This rings true to my experience: over the course of the pregnancy, my behaviour online went from anxious commenter to someone able to confidently provide emotional support.

My favourite posts were the graduation announcements — a new child born, filling me with hope. And in December last year, I shared a picture of my son, Robin. Strangers cheered and celebrated his existence, and I left, hoping everyone else would soon have a baby in their arms.

“How I found solace in online communities while navigating miscarriage”