And has it helped you?

Absolutely. I am less resentful and far more confident. I was a people-pleaser, and believed I existed to make others happy regardless of the cost to myself. I’d give away wedges of my energy and be left with the dregs. After experiencing numerous burnouts over the years, I’d challenge this narrative a little more each time. I used to think that if I held healthy boundaries, I wouldn’t have done enough to earn the love and friendship I have in my life. Now I know that it’s an act of love to myself and those around me to maintain healthy boundaries around my energy. Sometimes I have to push through, due to circumstances, but then I do my best to recharge.

Sure, sometimes people don’t like hearing a ‘no’ or an ‘I can’t’, but whether they accept it or not, I know that it’s an act of respect to them; I value them asking enough to give an honest reply. With healthier boundaries, I experience less irritability and resentment towards others, and I have more energy and time to enjoy my children and my work. As the saying goes, ‘Those who struggle with your healthy boundaries tend to be the ones who benefited most from your lack of them.’

Really, this is just a journey of accepting humanness. I might have encouraged you to liken yourself to a machine for this tool, but in doing so, you realise that you are no machine at all. You are a wonderful, limited, complex human, and you don’t just deserve to rest and recharge; you need to.

One Good Thing: Anna Mathur on why you need to think of your energy like a phone battery