How do you personally embrace imperfection?

I use it a lot when dealing with rejection – being a writer involves a lot of it! Even after many years, my first instinct is still to be hard on myself, and to throw the idea or piece of writing that’s been rejected into the bin, so I can reject it myself and feel in control.

Instead I just try to sit with the feeling, seeing it as a part of myself so I can speak to that part with kindness and understanding, like I would a hurt and upset child. I’ll share what I’m thinking and feeling with my wife, who I can also trust to respond with compassion (and a reality check), and this counters the instinct to feel ashamed and hide my imperfections.

When I’m ready and the sting of the rejection isn’t quite so painful, I’ll return to the piece of writing with a clear head. Maybe I’ll edit it, maybe not, and I’ll think about where to send it next.

And how has accepting imperfection changed your life?

It’s made me a lot braver. Perfectionism stopped me from doing so much, and when I let myself be imperfect I’m free to do my best, even if it’s not the best, even if not everyone likes it, even if it doesn’t work out. Knowing that my own mind is a friendly place means I’ll always have somewhere to return to – I’ll never leave myself out in the cold.

It’s also had a huge impact on my parenting. Responding with understanding, respect and compassion when my kids mess up is a game changer; it builds so much trust and resilience.

One Good Thing: why you need to give yourself permission to be imperfect