Content note: this article contains references to loss and suicidal thoughts that readers may find upsetting.

I have always been a positive, happy person, so I think it would shock many people to hear that I’ve called Samaritans.

I made the call seven years ago after my grandad passed away. His loss started me down a dark path that I didn’t quite realise I was on at the time. I began sleeping a lot – I’d drive down the road and have to have a sleep afterwards because I was so exhausted. I started having suicidal thoughts, and ended up calling Samaritans.

It helped me so much to talk to someone who wasn’t a family member or friend. I had been afraid to tell anyone I knew that I was feeling suicidal, as I was worried it would panic them. That stopped me sharing how I was feeling with anyone close to me, but to have that safe space to share with Samaritans was invaluable.

I never told anybody about that call; I kept it to myself for a long time. It wasn’t until my friend Jess took her own life in 2020 that everything changed. My grandad’s passing carried its own heartache and sorrow, but I could somewhat justify it by acknowledging that he had lived a full life, reached a ripe age and left me with lasting memories. However, at Jess’s funeral, a different kind of sorrow overwhelmed me, a profound sadness I couldn’t fully comprehend. I felt compelled to do something.

“I never expected to call Samaritans. Now I’m running the London Marathon to thank them”