Exploitation

While they may not like to face it, super-helpers are being exploited by the people around them, knowingly or not. Because if you never express any needs, then it’s easy (and convenient) for other people to act as if you don’t have any, to take advantage of your helping.

“If you give the impression you want nothing in return, you get nothing in return,” say Baker and Vincent. “Our society operates on the exploitative principle that compassionate people are willing to dedicate themselves to caring for others for little reward.”

Self-criticism

It’s true that those who are good at looking after others are often less kind to themselves. “Helpers’ self-criticism typically operates on two levels,” they explain. “They criticise themselves for not helping enough (helper’s guilt). On top of this, they criticise themselves for experiencing the other three adverse impacts of the super-helper syndrome: for feeling exhausted, resentful or exploited.”

The inner critic is exceptional at undermining compassionate people, so it’s important to learn how to silence it.

Super-helper syndrome: why helping others before yourself is harming your mental health