Lack of control

If you like to feel in control, you’re likely to find endings especially tricky.

“We like to be in control, and we thrive on consistency and predictability,” explains Dr Kate Mason clinical psychologist and founder of Roots Psychology Group. “Familiarity provides the safety and security we need to cope with any changes. But some endings are simply not within our control; the loss of a loved one, for example, or your partner ending your relationship. These situations will be fraught with feelings of loss and grief which are difficult to process.”

Childhood endings

The experts agree that much of how we deal with endings stems from our childhood. “Our childhood experiences of endings pave the way for how we cope in adult life,” says Dr Mason. “How our parents might have coped with endings themselves or supported us as children, will create a blueprint for how we deal with them in the future, and may remain with us.

“Tiny brains process events very differently to fully mature adults, so a child may have a completely different experience of, say, divorce, bereavement or moving house. If these events are handled in a nurturing, validating way, it sets us up to develop resilience and a positive mindset around endings.”

Why are endings so hard? How to move on with grace and resilience