Every Mother’s Day, social media and magazines celebrate parenthood. But for disabled women like me, the conversation is different – if it happens at all.

I never expected to be a mother. Not because I consciously chose that, but because the world had decided for me. Non-disabled women grew up hearing about how they would one day have children – whether they wanted to or not. That was just how society was in the 90s and early 00s. And while I’m glad to see that expectation shifting, that wasn’t my reality.

From the moment I understood what motherhood was, I also understood that it wasn’t for me. No one said it outright, but the message was everywhere. I still remember the first time I saw a woman with my condition, spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), become a mother. I met her through a local SMA charity as a child, though I didn’t know her well. But when she appeared on the news, it became clear that this wasn’t considered ‘normal’. I already knew she was pregnant, but the way the media framed it made me realise that disabled women having children wasn’t just rare – it was controversial.

Medical professionals were interviewed, who warned that her body was too weak to carry a baby and that pregnancy posed serious risks to her health. Doctors were on the news saying, “Don’t do this.” At the time, I didn’t know what to make of it. I remember thinking it was strange to see someone like me on TV, but mostly, I felt a little scared for her. She was doing something doctors said she shouldn’t. The tone of the coverage made it seem like she was reckless, determined to have a baby at all costs, no matter what the consequences were for her or the child. I’m sure they must have asked her why she wanted to do this, but I don’t remember hearing about her dreams of becoming a mother – only the risks.

“Disabled motherhood shouldn’t be headline news, but it was for me”