Cara*, 32, was in the supermarket when her phone buzzed with a text from her ex-boyfriend. “How bad would it be if these were sent to your work colleagues?” he wrote. “What would they think of you?”

Cara’s heart seemed to stop. Attached to the message was a string of photos showing her in the nude. She hadn’t seen these images for years: they were relics from a relationship she’d had in her early 20s, long before she’d even met her ex. She had no idea how he’d got hold of them; she’d forgotten they existed.

By threatening to share the photos with Cara’s co-workers, her ex was escalating a campaign of intimidation that had been running for some time. He had been a volatile and controlling partner, and continued to text her regularly after their split. At first, she didn’t mind; she worried about him, and hoped they could remain friends.

But over time, the tone of his messages became darker and more unsettling. “It became more and more obvious it was about sex,” Cara says. On her 30th birthday, he’d sent her an email pressuring her for sex, naming a date he would pick her up from her house and detailing what he expected her to wear. He transferred money into her bank account, supposedly so that she could purchase his chosen outfit. “It was disgusting, horrifying,” Cara says.

“My ex said he’d send my nudes to my colleagues”: the devastating impact of revenge porn threats