Trigger warning: this article involves discussion of domestic violence.

“A divorced daughter is better than a dead one.” That’s the caption on an emotive TikTok produced by Annesa Tabassum, a Bangladeshi domestic violence survivor who’s shared her experiences on the app. The nurse, who moonlights as an influencer, is referring to the tragic death of Sania Khan, who was killed in what appears to be a murder-suicide, after she left her ex-husband due to abuse.

Khan, a 29-year-old Pakistani American woman, was also open about her experiences of trying to leave an abusive marriage on TikTok. Like Tabassum, she found a supportive network in her TikTok audience. She said in her clips: “Going through a divorce as a South Asian woman feels like you failed at life sometimes. The way the community labels you, the lack of emotional support you receive and the pressure to stay with someone because ‘what will people say’ is isolating,” She added: “It makes it harder for women to leave marriages that they shouldn’t have been in to begin with.” A month later, she was shot in the head.

Khan’s case ignited an oft-neglected issue in South Asian communities: gendered-violence in the home. Chillingly, it’s something Khan herself referred to - the concept of ‘log kya kahenge’ - “what will people say?” - in response to actions not deemed traditional, such as leaving a partner, moving out of the home, or eschewing other cultural norms. Not only did Khan make the brave decision to leave her ex, she was also vocal about the process and the toxic environments that perpetuate the cycle of abuse. According to her best friend, whom Khan had planned to move in with it, her online candour made her a target.

Sania Khan’s death is igniting talks about abuse in Asian communities