There’s no point beating around the bush about it; 2016 has been, quite possibly, one of the worst years to date. Over the past few months, we’ve seen countless beloved celebrities tragically pass away – as well as a monumental balls-up over The Great British Bake Off.
Throw in Trump, Brexit, and all the rest of it, and we’re essentially living in a real-life Black Mirror episode.
We’ve all been struggling to find the words to sum up exactly how 2016 has left us feeling (‘apocalypse’, ‘end of days’, and ‘for f**k’s sake’ were bandied around as potentials), but we’ve just not been able to capture the frustration, shock, anger, and bewilderment we’ve all been experiencing.
Until now, that is…
British musical comedy Flo and Jo (aka sisters Nicola and Rosie Dempsey) have penned a brilliantly dark, witty, explicit, and addictive ode to 2016 – and, despite being packed to the brim with grim reminders of the year gone by, it’s endlessly charming, catchy, and bloody brilliant.
It begins simply enough with the painfully true: “2016, it’s been a time, it’s been a struggle But everything is fine if you’re a straight white male muggle.
“We’ve tried to stay composed, cross our fingers, count to ten, but every time we get to nine you f**k it up again.”
They then proceed to list off all the people who’ve been cruelly taken from us, singing: “You took David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince and Sharon Jones. Terry Wogan, Ronnie Corbett, Caroline Aherne, and Leonard Cohen.
“Victoria Wood was enough for us, but still you wanted more. Muhammed Ali, Gene Wilder and the Great British Bake Off was the final straw.”
And, as the tune picks up, things get even more bleak.
“You shot down a gorilla, we can’t cure the Zika Virus, and the woman’s still to blame when men force their way inside us.
“Brock Turner’s not a rapist ‘coz just look how fast he swims - can someone get me Ambien to calm my shaking quim?”
Watch the song in full for yourself below:
From the rise in police brutality, to the unwelcome return of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats, no stone goes unturned – and, when they finally get to the politics of the past twelve months, that’s when Flo and Joan really let rip.
“God f**king forbit we’d let Hillary be in charge,” they trill. “Instead we get the spunk trumpets and f**k boys in this farce.”
Cue plenty of references to “t**t-bugger Farage”, the “racist referendum”, and the “f**k-cheeto with hair” that is Donald Trump.
Towards the end of the song, the critically-acclaimed comedians appear to feel a little penitent about their explicit language. But, thank f**k, they continue to fly the flag for #nastywomen who drop F-bombs everywhere.
As the tempo drops, they tell 2016: “We’re sorry for the swearing, and we’re sorry to be crude, but we’re really c**ting angry, and it’s all because of you.”
The toe-tapping melody is packed to the brim with cheery banter – and the English sisters have seen the view-count on the soft-rapping Facebook video hit a whopping 202,000.
Plus, with almost 4,000 shares and counting, it seems safe to bet that this little ditty is going to go viral long before the year is out.
While we’re a little worried that 2016 is a) a sentient being, and b) that it might hear them and lash out a few more times before the 31 December, we’re huge fans of this extremely un-PC tune.
All together now?
“You laid an egg of solid f**k, you taint-slug made of ween, you garbage bag of bum dust, you are s**tty s**tty 2016.”