Bake Off 2019: 27 thoughts I had while watching GBBO episode nine

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Helen Bownass
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It’s patisserie week in the Bake Off Tent, here’s what we made of this series’ semi-final. Warning, spoilers ahead…

1. Why are they all wearing ties for patisserie week? Is this a joke I’ve missed? 

2. A domed tartlet! Yet again, absolutely don’t know what a domed tartlet is. 

3. ‘As neat as a pin’. I’ve never known if that’s a Prue invented phrase or not? She’s not wrong, pins are very neat. 

4. Oh the ties are for Henry. R.I.P. to your baking career Henry. 

5. I wonder how they decide what to wear each week? Is there’s any rules? Is there particular body parts they have to cover for Health and Safety?  

6. “I’m taking each bake as it comes. What will be, will be.” I’d love it if someone just said, “Yes of course I’ll be in the final, I’m the best baker in here!” 

Great British Bake Off: Steph Blackwell

7. I like booze, but I really don’t like alcohol flavoured food. See also mint and orange flavoured products. 

8. How would you begin castrating a giant bull Rosie? I’m going to have nightmares about that vision. 

9. Rosie, surely I didn’t just hear you say you “hate anything custardy”. I’ve never heard such a thing.

10. Who invented mirror glazes and when? They didn’t exist three years ago and now they’re all the rage. How did that happen? 

11. A sweet Scotch egg you say Noel? You should trademark that idea before I do. 

Great British Bake Off: Rosie Brandreth-Poynter

12. Why don’t all the contestants just give the judges a glass of prosecco for bribery purposes?

13. I’m worried that Alice is very tense tonight. I hope she’s okay. 

14. They’re making full puff pastry? Is the opposite option half puff? 

15. I used to love the shoe people too Steven.
“Every time you’re skipping down the street.
Think about the shoes upon your feet, today.
It’s a magic world when your toes uncurl.
Sh-sh-sh-shoe people”
How can I remember the words to a song I haven’t thought about for 30 years, but have no idea what I watched on telly last night? 

Great British Bake Off: David Atherton

16. Oh Rosie, have a big breath. It’s all going to be okay. Also making everything 19 times isn’t going to help you in the long-term. 

17. Time to eat my words as all that re-making worked out well for Rosie. 

18. Sandi I’m with you. I don’t  have one single clue who is going to leave tonight! 

19. They have to make: a sugar class cabinet, with an edible depiction of something they hold dear. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!? Is this something for people to eat or look at? 

Great British Bake Off: Alice Fevronia

20. Have just noticed that Prue’s glasses match her lipstick. I wonder which she bought first? 

21. How would you even practise making this at home? Where do you begin making sugar glass when you’ve been at work all day and just want to sit on the sofa with some beans on toast? 

22. Have just realised this is why I can’t ever go on Bake Off. 

Great British Bake Off semi-finalists

23. Isomalt sounds, and looks, like it’s from the future. This is blowing my mind. 

24. This round is very bound to neatness. I wish I was bound to neatness.  

25. I think it might be Rosie that goes tonight. But I wouldn’t be prepared to put money on it. 

26. Always trust your instinct Bownass. 

27. Am already feeling a bit choked up about seeing their at-home VT’s and the final three try their best next week. 

The Great British Bake Off is on Channel 4 on Tuesdays at 8pm

Images: Channel 4