Life

Bake Off 2019: 31 thoughts I had while watching GBBO episode three

Posted by
Helen Bownass
Published

It’s bread week for The Great British Bake Off contestants, here’s what we made of episode three. Warning, spoilers ahead…

1. IT’S BREAD WEEK aka the best of all of the weeks. BREAD. BREAD. GIVE ME ALL OF THE BREAD. 

2. Bread is my second favourite food, Helena. After crisps.

3. We stan a woman like Michelle whose passions are: Welsh cheese and Welsh rugby. 

4. Would definitely go spinning more if I had Michael as my spinning teacher. 

5. Balsamic vinegar is in my list of foods I dislike that I’m ashamed I don’t eat because they’re too grown-up. See also: blue cheese.

6. I like Amelia and feel like I haven’t heard enough about her yet. 

7. Wonder how many days of the week I could eat pizza for? Not five like Priya. Three maybe. But not the same flavour every night.

8. The idea of Paul having a baguette for a chest is not unbelievable. 

9. I like the fact: Michelle said ‘roll her up’. As if it’s a female tear and share bread she has created. 

Amelia Le Bruin in The  Great British Bake Off 

10. All these people have SO many hobbies! Baking is already a major hobby, how do they fit in things like pottery and motor biking too?

11. I wonder when they commit to what they’re baking? They have to get their bakes illustrated, so I’d like to know when they have to decide by.

12. I’ve just realised I have no idea what a proving drawer does. Is it like a mini airing cupboard under the oven?

13. Why do they do the wafty thing? Surely they want it to be nice and hot when they serve it?

14. I definitely wouldn’t be able to keep a good game face on when they were judging me. All my emotions are falling off my face constantly.

15. I wonder where the saying ‘bone dry’ comes from. Are bones dry?

16. Wonder if anyone ever agues  back if they don’t like what Paul said? Is it like netball where it’s not the done thing to question the umpire? 

Helena Garcia in the The  Great British Bake Off 

17. Hang on. Do the contestants have to work at the same bench every week? I wonder which is the best one? I’d want the one at the back so I could keep a good eye on everyone. 

18. If Henry is a wholemeal pitta, I suspect I am a focaccia: bit of a show off and a total people pleaser.

19. Yes Noel, I feel like posh people DO tend to like small things.

20. They keep saying the baps should be the same size as the burger but I think secretly I like my burger to be falling out the side of the bread.

21. Does everyone else know what an artistically scored display of loaves is?

22. I wonder how many steps you do in a five hour challenge? Is anyone wearing a Fitbit so I can find out?

23. What is fougasse?  Have I spelt it right? Have I literally missed a week of understanding life?

24. There is a very specific joy I get when I hear someone speaking to themselves in the third person. “Do what you did at home Priya”

25. “If they’re not cooked, there’s absolutely sod all I can do about it now.” Amelia has an attitude I long for.

26.  Steph’s fringe is always so impressively straight in such a humid baking environment. 

Steph Blackwell in The  Great British Bake Off 

27. Am finding it a little bit hard to get excited about this round! I think it’s  bread, with a pattern on.

28. Although I am enjoying Paul’s confident straight cutting. No jagged edges or uneven wedges on his watch.

29.Oh Amelia, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but I think we’ll be saying goodbye too. That’s sad.

30. Is too early to be rooting so loudly for Michael?

31. Oh poor Sandi, I really believe she hates this bit. I bet she gives the best hugs. I wonder who would lose in the Bake Off judges hugging hierarchy? 

The Great British Bake Off is on Channel 4 on Tuesdays at 8pm

Images: Channel 4