I was working as a CEO for a small local charity and had been in post around six months when the pandemic hit. Navigating this new way of being and working felt tough, as I imagine it did for all, but I thought the pressure that was placed on me as the leader of the organisation would lessen over time. That never seemed to happen.

About six months in, I could see the emotional impact on the team as they continued to deliver front-line services and provide intensive emotional support to clients. I remember holding an online team meeting when staff members broke down and spoke about how difficult it was to detach from work, and how all-consuming it felt. I put in additional support mechanisms and check-ins, plus we spoke about how we could, as a team, support each other and alleviate the stress and demands. I felt like I couldn’t speak about how I was truly feeling; I needed to be there for my team and show them how ‘strong’ I was.

I’ve always been able to remain calm and appear in control, despite how I feel inside, but doing this for a prolonged period took its toll. I can’t tell you exactly when I hit burnout: it was a slow, incremental build-up. I do remember a shift in mood and constantly feeling not good enough, my inner critical voice dominating. I was being pulled in all directions; my team needed my support (in and out of work hours), funders and partners wanted answers, the board expected me to hold it all together. I was the person who came up with the solutions; I was the person everyone was looking to. No doubt, some of that pressure I put on myself and I didn’t want to seem like I couldn’t cope or do my job to a high standard without the need for support myself, so I just carried on.

“I learned firsthand how harmful burnout can be – employers need to take action to tackle stress”