Timing is everything

As important as it is to be able to speak up in the first place, it’s equally important to know when to hold your peace - and get your timing right.

“Ask for a specific meeting, don’t grab people when they are busy,” advises MacPherson. “State clearly what you want and why (practise saying it out loud if it’s a salary negotiation) and think about win-win. How can you make it work for both of you? Once you’ve made your request, stop talking. Wait for them to respond. When you start to get what you want, it makes it so much easier to ask the next time.”

Use ‘I’ statements

“When we are trying to voice what we need with other people, it’s helpful to explain things from our own point of view,” suggests Sturmer. “So rather than saying ‘When you do this, it makes me feel … ‘, we say ‘I feel this way, and so I need …’. This doesn’t just apply to personal relationships. It’s also helpful in a work context. It helps you to express what you need without worrying that you will look like you’re blaming other people.”

Think about what comes next

It’s all too easy to focus so much on the actual conversation that you don’t have a plan for afterwards – whether you get what you’re after or not.

“Bring to life what happens if nothing changes. Are you unmotivated? Are you thinking about looking for another job?” challenges Dr Crotaz. “How will you finish the conversation with clear next steps agreed? Plan to follow up in writing. And finally, prepare for what you’ll say if they say ‘no’ to everything, or ‘no’ to one or more of your critical things. Is it a no-go unless you get everything or is any movement better than no movement at all?”

So, this is your sign to take a deep breath and go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? You might just be pleasantly surprised.

How to ask for what you want and need at work (minus the anxiety and self-doubt)