The reason I am sharing this story with you is that I have a hunch that you are behaving in a similar way to me back then and inadvertently holding yourself back. You sound as though you have chosen to keep your distance a little bit. If you want something to happen, instead of waiting for everyone else to change, try to focus on what you can do.

I’d urge you to rethink your dismissal of the pub. It’s absolutely socially normal not to drink these days – the trend in non-drinking has been growing for some time now and there is a plethora of non-alcoholic drinks on every pub menu. The trick is not to make a fuss about it. Even if you are not a fan of pub life, it’s good to recognise it as a low-pressure environment for getting to know colleagues on a social level. Next time there’s an opportunity, just try going for a couple of hours. You could also suggest getting something to eat afterwards. In addition, you can start asking people to join you for lunch at local cafes. Even walking out to buy lunch with a colleague to eat at your desk can turn into a social occasion.

The pandemic, and subsequent remote working, has certainly stalled a lot of office socialising and you may be seeing one another less frequently with fewer opportunities for spontaneous entertainment. What you need to remember is that most people will be similarly feeling their way through this evolving world of work, with exactly the same trepidations around feeling isolated and cut off as you might have.

As the cliche goes, you will only get out what you put in. Making friends is not that different to dating – a smidgin of effort is required. Listen out for others who enjoy the same things as you, be it sports or theatre, and be proactive about signing up or booking tickets. It’s fine to be nervous but if you’re genuinely interested in deepening your relationships with colleagues, then you need to send out the right signals by showing some enthusiasm.

Work-based friendships can be among the most rewarding in life. The chances are, because you work in the same environment, you already have a lot in common with each other and probably share similar backgrounds, as well as education and interests. Your instincts are completely right about enjoying your job more if you had more friends. Now you just need to take charge of your own destiny and start joining in.

Images: Getty

“I haven’t made any friends at work – how do I fix this?”