At first glance, the concept of being a people-pleaser seems like a lovely thing. You want to please people. That’s nice, right?

But the reality of people-pleasing is rather different. Endlessly wanting to make other people happy can come at the expense of your own happiness. It can make you go above and beyond to the point of burnout. It can also hold you back from being honest; when you’re desperate to win everyone over, it’s hard to give people the feedback they may well need.

When it comes to the world of work, the ramifications of people-pleasing can be especially disastrous. “Underneath the surface of too much harmony lurks a darker reality of overlooked bad behaviours and missed opportunities,” says Nick Robinson, a coach and the author of The 9 Types Of Difficult People: How To Spot Them And Quickly Improve Working Relationships. “To progress in your career, whatever level you’re at, you’ll need to have difficult conversations and tackle issues. When pleasing takes priority, those necessary frank and difficult conversations, and any accountability, fall by the wayside. This can be frustrating for others and end up damaging some of your working relationships or holding you back.

“When you’re a people-pleaser, you might find yourself resorting to shortcuts or doing tasks yourself if someone else isn’t pulling their weight, so that no one finds out your colleagues aren’t up to scratch. You might also find others are taking advantage of your craving to avoid confrontation, grabbing resources you need or dumping work and toxic people on you.”

All that is… not great! So, how do we ditch our people-pleasing ways? Robinson shares some tips ahead.

How to stop people-pleasing at work (and why it’s so important you do)